Meaning of words (3): hate

In Russian to hate means nenavidit, which means something like “not see”, something you don’t want to see, detest, can’t stand, can’t abide. I also think it relates to not having a connection to oneself, like numbness where there would be anger, or it is because of not having the connection to one’s feelings. So hate can also be good anger or something like an easy feeling of something you just can’t stand but you don’t bother much about it cause you keep it far away anyway. It surely is also connected to what you love. It can be destructive when the connection is not good or the other side takes it too personal maybe, but can be a start to feeling oneself or anger it rather is, I’m not sure. You could literally shout “I hate to not feel myself” or “I’m sick of not feeling myself” maybe with a guitar to give a soundarea to carry it more. Kinda like thunder and lightning. I mean you could start quiet and just let things come up and if you were not feeling yourself, it should get more intense and then there should be relief, like the rain afterwards (crying), when the thunder stops. Kinda just an allowing thing. And there should be more of a sunny day then. I mean this is very basic cause there is many things to feel about but I think it applies a lot and is generally something to feel about.

 

edit: This particular expression might actually not be good in the sense it could land on oneself but I’m not sure.

edit: I think it is better to be sick of something that you’re just sick of without kinda being the same way about it (editedit: being sick of something also has some biases (frames around it), and in itself it also hinders anger actually I feel but it’s like part of something, I mean it’s nothing to overthink anyway). What I’m trying to get it is this mad feeling that can be attached to hating. Its a bit overserious cause there is always humour also but not about feelings of course. I really think this expression actually might not be so good. Very often we hinder ourselves to just feel how we feel and then it doesn’t have the relieving effect. You might actually have more empathy when you not be like Oh I can’t really feel this cause I can understand it, when you’re just really sick of something and it’s just about feeling it. But it’s nothing to do with not having understanding or opposing this.

Another thought that came to my mind is that anger/hate is connected to hurt also for there to be relief cause it feels bitter otherwise. It actually is a thing of love, I don’t really know how it works and truly, love also heals in itself. Something of love to feel and I did it with singing, shouting cause it’s often not possible to do in relationships without the dynamic bringing something back that would hinder relief. Afterwards I sounded clear again and it was surely also healing through singing then.

So there seems to be two kinds of hate but probably depends on how much it is connected to feelings of hurt and love which gives it a higher vibe. We don’t really feel things when we vibe low.

edit: I get now why I felt the expression would land on oneself. Because by writing about it, it became like a recipe. Therefore the things I wrote about feelings are true and good, but there is plenty of overthinking in it that makes it harder to feel plus the lack of a more human way of writing where you could really relate. Frankly speaking this is something like a personal struggle because I did feel really good after expressing feelings with music and somehow I got a bit into trying to get there again which is pretty bad especially cause it implies not wanting to do any of that cause it wouldn’t “work”. It’s actually a pretty common theme these days, this recipe way of going about things. Lots of true things are said but it doesn’t really reach. I’ll rewrite this one when I find the time.

 

 

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