When what you want to say is obvious and you went like.. example: I just imagined I built this in uhm I built this in (Survival) it doesn’t feel like you actually still want to say it but would move on. Besides comfortable “it cud also be” something playful, teasing. It’s based on knowing the other one got it. It’s got something to do with sensing how it feels if you said it.
I feel often we are not kind to ourselves when we know we can do better. But often we also didn’t do better cause our spirit was down and then on top of it sometimes we are not kind to ourselves in such moments or are critical with ourselves which brings us even more down.
This is a double.effect. When our spirit is up we tend to make less mistakes. So be kind to yourself, knowing you could do better but you likely were just down-hearted 🙂
We are expressive beings and surely we could also or do express in such moments, that we are sad or down. It’s just that frustration and such things are better not turned against ourselves through the use of learnt patterns we learnt from others. Surely it expresses but with a different perception emotions could not arise in the first place, resolve or express but not on ourselves but as ourselves.
Then i was thinking that being kind to oneself is more about an inner picture or a perception. A feeling. It’s surely different to when somebody is kind to us.
instead of living it. I know the many reasons why we do it and it is probably not helped by pointing it out other than shifting awareness to it.
Just to give a simple example. Quite often when people are happy after achieving something they don’t express it directly but imitate it. Women tend to do this. I mean this Yieahhh. Surely it can be a playful thing also or in tune with oneself but it doesn’t change the fact that instead of expressing it purely it is an imitation. Now some people even imitate the imitation…
It reduces life and makes it more arteficial.
This is from the same video. Everything is playful between the 2 guys, yet it can be used vs fear mongering.
So one guy mentions something like: “Oh that is gonna be tough.”
The other guy acts afraid but not mocking the other person: “Whoo”
This is also a way to deal with such things when you frame the fear mongering as playful. Kinda acting naive cause it makes the other person act hard to not give themselves away but more importantly you set the vibe.
Then he says this random hilarious thing with a sligjtly overly serious intonation while the other guy is talking about why it is tough: “It’s not easy.”
You know it’s got that vibe of provoking a laugh in overly serious situations where you feel as if it is “not allowed” to laugh, yet he cannot be blamed to be disrespectful. So it’s this combination of serious intonation as if he is about to add something important and then making this random remark. Surely the same comment without the playfulness is not funny.
Later in the video one guy says: “Could you stand over on that piston.” and again it’s all playful. He acts a serious person who gives instructions or actually he is just serious/adult but he can’t keep it up for long cause the other one is making him laugh.
And the other one replies in a random moment: “This one here.” with an intonation as if it was tough to find and he is not sure, yet there is only one piston xD.
What adds to the fun is that you never know what he is going to reply cause he is also straight forward. It’s like he uses it sparingly intuitively when you don’t expect it.
Surely if you would do such things consciously it likely takes away from the fun but as with everything it can be forgotten once re/learnt or inspired. It definitely needs authenticity and an inner impulse otherwise it’s empty. It could also be inspiring for a dialogue in a book or such things.
Now there is another thing he does. He then takes the adult serious role and acts it which is what makes it funny in contrast with his previous remarks:
“That was a bit of a mind..like a mess.” “A mindfuck. Is that what you are avoiding saying!?”
It can easily come across as critical but it’s not condescending but adult, yet he is playful but he doesn’t show. At the same time he also kinda means it yet never critical as in fault-finding.
So playfulness really can spice up these Got ya games people tend to play and they are so serious about it. It just beats that vibe.
In general what being playful does is it shows whenever being serious is overused for no reason without being disrespectful, blaming or critical which would also only add to nonplayful vibe. It is in itself actually more adult/mature. Self-expression for example is always more mature but may seem “childish” which it is yet it isn’t immature.
Just when it is done as in attention-whoring or always going for it in certain spots this will then make it rather lame or annoying also because of the self-consciousness. It is only fun when it’s a natural innocent expression. Yet even from there there is room for surprise when you would keep it up or such. And it may be a good start when the atmosphere is very serious and tense and go from there.
Another thing that ruins playfulness is if you feel you are supposed to laugh. And it may even be funny in itself but this could then ruin it and feels irritating. It’s kinda the same as I just wrote above. Or when there is trying hard to have a good time again it is better to let go and be “normal” and let it arise naturally, otherwise it causes being blocked. So it’s like trying hard creates tension and stress and when you stop that this will then be released cause tension also leads to overly serious acting which has the potential to be funny. Or when trying hard creates tension, just picking something that may be less funny in itself can do the trick to ease up. And then there is relief and the laughter itself makes it funny.
When you think you look bad without or little make-up, that is not so much about having no make-up but the energy you put on yourself by thinking it would look bad. It’s like a circle.
The more make-up the less your soul can shine through and the less self-expression. The more you find it looking bad the less you shine aswell. And if you just want to shine when you feel not allt hat well, that is irritating. But surely one cud use it to underline self-expression.
When you are talking to somebody it is like music. When we are relaxed our conversations tend to be more in rhythm.
Let me show you what I mean by taking a situation of “saying no”.
“Have you repaired the lamp?” (intonation critical, already sensing it isn’t repaired and going for a “got ya game”, see Eric Berne “Games people play”, provoking a justification, or just being angry about it not being repaired yet whatever the details)
To not justify you can use rhythm. Let’s say you reply: “No, I still got to do this.”
The words in itself could take any form through the intonation from annoyed, justifying, excusing, assertively and so on. But it’s not only about the intonation but also the rhythm.
It’s like the question was a snaredrum before the song ends and the “No” would be the last part of the song as you often see in live music when the whole band ends on the same beat. This would be a way to use rhythm to make a no more powerful or to work with the energy. As for this situation I don’t mean saying it over the top but definitely connected and something like subtly more emphasized, you know haha but yeah that is my picture and my idea is not about faking but about self-expression although it could also be done playfully I guess.
Then you could leave a pause and add “unaffectedly” -since you ended it with the No – “I still got to do it.”