Human Body

We all apparantly get born into something. Then after the world biased us we think we have solutions. Nobody remembers what we would have done if we wouldn’t gotten biased.

Yet it seems we can’t cause we need it to get through the world. It seems like we’re stuck but we don’t know it. Or we do not allow to look at it, bring it to our conscious cause we also depend on it.

Like cancer cells attack the body, these cells need healing, yet it spreads by the damage. Healing though is not perceived to be needed. This theme is in the golden child dynamic. Yet it needs energy to fill the void. It’s like an aritifical kept alive situation but feeling very alive and real at the same time as if nothing was wrong. Kinda the worst situation to be in if help is needed. If no energy is taken, the soul seems to attack the body and the same could be happening on the collective level. At the same time this is rather black and white thinking actually.

Then the energy giver get devalued as weak. But it could just be the human body trying to survive. Surely after you gave energy it affects your health and if you get too much it affects your ego.

One shouldn’t doubt humanity just as cancerous cells do not represent a cell in general especially in a healthy body.

Lower consciousness also seems natural for certain roles we take. Surely some of us provide food for example or whatever needs to be done so from this view there is no stupidty. But then it should never be like this. We all have our genius that we rarely get to but that we were meant to get to. Maybe such collective interaction is real and the only hope is to get aware of it to overcome our differences. But it doesn’t change the fact how absurd this world is. As serious as we may act fundamentally it’s really absurd.

Differences that are needed to cope, as if we do our best. Yet those differences also make it worse if such awareness is not there, Otherwise they could heal.

Yet we do think too much on the individual level and we maybe can rarely see what we may actually be doing. Maybe we are more in the same team than we think we are. It’s the perceptions we took that came with our position, a position that had to be taken cause that’s where we left off earlier.

It would be like not realizing we were in the same team is needed to hold everything together as we found it when we came here.

Just a thought.

Overcoming the Scapegoat Role

You probably know the feeling of being irritated about what is me and what is this role. What are my real insecurities and what is just something that isn’t really real.

From experience I can say that the biggest reason for suffering is actually to confuse yourself with such role because it brings you away from yourself. And this is also where fears come in, fear of confusing yourself. Often we do not even realize this fear.

How can it be that at times we are confident and feel like we can handle things and other times we lose belief in ourselves?

It must also be about perception.

So in this post I want to give a bit Inspiration towards staying more with oneself. I’m not saying this is always working but it can help creating a better feeling for yourself from which you have a more realitical perception.

The idea is to act the role or to come from a mindset of such.

But first a not literal quote about acting: ” A bad actor trying to act a drunk tries to talk and walk drunk. A good actor knows a drunk tries to talk and walk straight.”

What that means for this role which really has plenty of negative perceptions one may not be aware of – is to be a bad actor for this role. We are really good at acting it. We enable, we defend cause we react to emotions. So the idea is to feel differently about it through perception. And a good disidentification exercise is to be a bad actor with this role.

Which simply means instead of trying to move on or feel more confident or self- aware (walking straight) one would actually try the opposite 🙂 And by doing so you create an effect of connecting more to yourself.

It reminds me of school when I was to present something AFTER somebody,  I was the 2nd guy, the person being very nervous. And i wondered why did that make me confident? Did I feed off the person I wondered but now I know. I realized how absurd it was to be nervous cause of the perception from the pov of the audience and the realistiical perception of the audience. I realized her reasons for being nervous and I saw nothing real about it. That’s why it was easy for me afterwards. It brought me closer to myself. She did the disidentification for me and I was pretty much observing myself when confusing myself with somebody.

But this also means we still are ourselves when we act this out. It’s not really confusing yourself with someone. It’s just the perceptions.

But it can lead to further disidentification from yourself if you try to act it poorly while feeling it cause something may have triggered you. Yet just the thought of it can help to make a switch in your perception and it can lead to being amused or assertive. A tricky thing could be to not feel as if you would parodize yourself. The focus is on liberation from a perception.

You could also observe somebody how he looks at you the old way and let go of the need to proof yourself or to show who you are cause that’s like trying to walk straight. It creates boundaries so buttons don’t get pushed.

Or it can be applied for other situations. If you try to find a job and there are no other reasons and you actually would just like to have one but for some reason it doesn’t work, it may be because you try to walk straight and that’s what our environment also suggests. Especially family treats one as if we would be dumb or such and they act as if it’s a wonder if we would improve in something they see us struggeling with, all the while not realizing (or actually being aware) that this frames the role. But surely there are other reasons. The functioning of the family is based on a distorted perception of the scapegoat so it is biased and pointless to try to reach family. Yet if one steps aside it may lead to a better functionng afterwards or at least to the person in the scapegoat role getting on with their life.

“Just be yourself” *updated

 

 

edit:  I’m gonna edit points that i feel intuitively are a confusion with # and things I am sure with * But please read it critically and check how it feels for you. That would also be something to comment and then i mean that is natural way of resolving confusion. Don’t just read things and take them for granted. I might sound convincing but you know, I’m only human. One thing is to have something right the other to express it right. Just here I meant that both applies 😉 So this is really a point why commenting is natural and I think many people mean that when they say on youtube leave a comment. But it expresses not the right way.

And yeah it reads very overthinking and the reason for that is that i get confused when I am zoomed in which happens by trying to put bigger pictures into words that also are not complete. So don’t overthink anything. It’s not good vibe 🙂

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I was wondering why is it so confusing and irritating when somebody says that.

First of all the question is what else are we if not ourselves. And I can only talk from my perspective, coming from a dysfunctional family from the so called scapegoat role I found myself throughout my life like 50 % myself with other biases and 50 % that role. It is like a constant struggle for me and some situations it is easy to be myself. Then I look back at situations where I stuggled and it’s all clear and I wished I could relived it and done it differently.

The main problem to me seems prejudice and lack of understanding but this way it also gets framed as a helpless situation depending on others. Anyway whoever gives you credit  for just acting a certain way and then 10 seconds later after the two of you said bye being yourself realizing you just acted out something else or enabled. But the situation is more complicated since this enabling. It makes people not connect, the same people that could have a decent conversation when they met  lets say on the beach drinking a beer on a summer evening or especially on holiday *. (not sure though if it is actually a problem)

But lets get to some potential solutions for this.

Well before that I want to clarify – or at least thats how I think it is – that when one is not oneself it doesn’t mean it would be like somebody else#. It is still oneself and the tricky thing about this are emotions and identification. The moment you try to handle emotions and behave reactively which is healthy cause you express yourself, you also identify yourself with this role# (being reactive is not expressive). The main thing that I didn’t and still not fully got , is that disidentification doesn’t mean to disidentify from your feelings and yourself then eventually # (everything is side-effect of expression).

So lets say there is a situation and afterwards you feel angry which is the follow up of being sad (well sometimes anger gets accessable after crying sometimes the other way around # (life not black and white) and it’s important to allow this function of your body to detoxify from otherwise depressing energy * (but also it is side-effect) Usually I would use this anger from this role, identifying myself with it, I mean I already did that prior to that cause I wouldn’t feel like it otherwise# (not using anger, just perceiving differently naturally). An example would be somebody critisizing something about my life that though is not my fault but a result of certain conditioning or past decisions based on that role. At the same time that sounds as if I don’t have any responsibility for my life and that’s the next point. I realized I do have but when I made certain decisions or no decisions I didn’t know I have that which is the actual conditioning. If one behaves angry towards this person one also accepts this as part of ones life which is natural though and needed and things in life never go this and then that, it’s usually something complicated for the mind that is better left to be done intuitively # (Last few sentences is all overthinking and it distracts from feeling) .

Now it’s still helpful to express anger but there a solution for that,  if one tries to force it it won’t work but if it comes up naturally it does work pretty well or has the potential* (work is not the fitting term)

It is about using your anger but then use it for being yourself (not in the sense to achieve this). It is maybe counter-intuitive. It could mean to be actually friendly to a person you don’t like for the reason that this person adresses you as this role and ignores who you are or the two of you are constantly enabling back and forth or it may be a consciously or intuitively abusive person pushing your buttons.

The two reasons why this usually does not work is because the intention may be to be friendly, to get harmony or to get verified as if you wait for this person to finally see you for who you are which is a classic dynamic with parents.

How could one be friendly when you have anger? And the answer is it is not about friendlyness. Friendlyness is just a side-effect of being yourself but it then could become friendlyness cause you don’t view the other person as an enemy anymore*. Lets say you are in a  great mood and then you meet such a person and it can happen that one hides his good mood also cause it already slightly changed maybe. Often times I didn’t know how  to express my anger, if I did it usually made things worse. I felt better but then the dynamic got fed again aswell. That being said there is also a way to speak up and not feed into it, yet this has so many doors that lead back into it.

Other reasons why it may not work is because we may want to bite back so to speak with our good mood but by doing so also feeding into the dynamic.

I remember one day a few years back where this worked, just that I didn’t know what I was doing and I lost touch to it. I remember my brother being very irritated cause he had no food so to speak. I was very chatty and just felt very free and liberated and little self-conscious but mindful, just being intuitively connected to myself and acting out who I am naturally. I usually am not that chatty in family for obvious reaons. And if one tries hard to be like this you add pressure and you actually come from a lower position. But once the anger and rebellious feelings are used to be oneself where one doesn’t try to get verified something happens and that is you get back in touch with who you are*.

Another way this may not work is if the intuition or awareness of who is you is not yet strong enough#(we all have this intuition) or if one gets upset if it doesn’t work, then you may also use the anger on yourself but you always have the option to use it for being yourself # (it is something you can’t try, if you have such on mind it expresses instead) and the reactions can be quite amusing in a liberating way cause some people get completely confused and we tend to be living up to what we started so to speak# (We become what we act out, just that if it is of lower vibe healing is faster if it is overcome).

This way one could even get lost in a situation and then the next moment being yourself without feeling weird about the contrast cause you use rebellious positive or liberating energy -i don’t know how to call it – which is high vibe*. It’s easy to get into the low vibe and we tend to stick in it*. Or one may think it would look fake yet this perception doesn’t arise with this energy behind it*. So it may likely happen that one gets really angry inside which helps to counter fear but on the outside having really good mood or being assertive and at this point the anger already transformed into something else yet still being the foundation* (theory doesn’t really matter what transformed into what). That being said the day I mentioned where this just worked I woke up and felt not angry at all and just kept up the state after waking up.* (It is like crossroads. Once a few things go right it is pretty hard to not be yourself. And if one is not it is not about trying to be yourself instead cause that is a side-effect of anger towards low vibe or such) Yet now I remember that prior to that there was anger that I didn’t feel before. I did express things through singing.

In this “state” it becomes easy to keep up boundaries, or you’ll look forward to do things you enjoyed but maybe lost touch to. Fears also lower, and you feel more protected.