Misunderstandings often clear up by themselves

It feels like the need or the trying to clear something up is often only cause of the belief that it would be the way. Because we don’t know that if we just stay on our page it will clear up by itself. By the lack of the other and by it in itself. Not that it really matters, it’s like inclusive.

 

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“Just be yourself” *updated

 

 

edit:  I’m gonna edit points that i feel intuitively are a confusion with # and things I am sure with * But please read it critically and check how it feels for you. That would also be something to comment and then i mean that is natural way of resolving confusion. Don’t just read things and take them for granted. I might sound convincing but you know, I’m only human. One thing is to have something right the other to express it right. Just here I meant that both applies 😉 So this is really a point why commenting is natural and I think many people mean that when they say on youtube leave a comment. But it expresses not the right way.

And yeah it reads very overthinking and the reason for that is that i get confused when I am zoomed in which happens by trying to put bigger pictures into words that also are not complete. So don’t overthink anything. It’s not good vibe 🙂

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I was wondering why is it so confusing and irritating when somebody says that.

First of all the question is what else are we if not ourselves. And I can only talk from my perspective, coming from a dysfunctional family from the so called scapegoat role I found myself throughout my life like 50 % myself with other biases and 50 % that role. It is like a constant struggle for me and some situations it is easy to be myself. Then I look back at situations where I stuggled and it’s all clear and I wished I could relived it and done it differently.

The main problem to me seems prejudice and lack of understanding but this way it also gets framed as a helpless situation depending on others. Anyway whoever gives you credit  for just acting a certain way and then 10 seconds later after the two of you said bye being yourself realizing you just acted out something else or enabled. But the situation is more complicated since this enabling. It makes people not connect, the same people that could have a decent conversation when they met  lets say on the beach drinking a beer on a summer evening or especially on holiday *. (not sure though if it is actually a problem)

But lets get to some potential solutions for this.

Well before that I want to clarify – or at least thats how I think it is – that when one is not oneself it doesn’t mean it would be like somebody else#. It is still oneself and the tricky thing about this are emotions and identification. The moment you try to handle emotions and behave reactively which is healthy cause you express yourself, you also identify yourself with this role# (being reactive is not expressive). The main thing that I didn’t and still not fully got , is that disidentification doesn’t mean to disidentify from your feelings and yourself then eventually # (everything is side-effect of expression).

So lets say there is a situation and afterwards you feel angry which is the follow up of being sad (well sometimes anger gets accessable after crying sometimes the other way around # (life not black and white) and it’s important to allow this function of your body to detoxify from otherwise depressing energy * (but also it is side-effect) Usually I would use this anger from this role, identifying myself with it, I mean I already did that prior to that cause I wouldn’t feel like it otherwise# (not using anger, just perceiving differently naturally). An example would be somebody critisizing something about my life that though is not my fault but a result of certain conditioning or past decisions based on that role. At the same time that sounds as if I don’t have any responsibility for my life and that’s the next point. I realized I do have but when I made certain decisions or no decisions I didn’t know I have that which is the actual conditioning. If one behaves angry towards this person one also accepts this as part of ones life which is natural though and needed and things in life never go this and then that, it’s usually something complicated for the mind that is better left to be done intuitively # (Last few sentences is all overthinking and it distracts from feeling) .

Now it’s still helpful to express anger but there a solution for that,  if one tries to force it it won’t work but if it comes up naturally it does work pretty well or has the potential* (work is not the fitting term)

It is about using your anger but then use it for being yourself (not in the sense to achieve this). It is maybe counter-intuitive. It could mean to be actually friendly to a person you don’t like for the reason that this person adresses you as this role and ignores who you are or the two of you are constantly enabling back and forth or it may be a consciously or intuitively abusive person pushing your buttons.

The two reasons why this usually does not work is because the intention may be to be friendly, to get harmony or to get verified as if you wait for this person to finally see you for who you are which is a classic dynamic with parents.

How could one be friendly when you have anger? And the answer is it is not about friendlyness. Friendlyness is just a side-effect of being yourself but it then could become friendlyness cause you don’t view the other person as an enemy anymore*. Lets say you are in a  great mood and then you meet such a person and it can happen that one hides his good mood also cause it already slightly changed maybe. Often times I didn’t know how  to express my anger, if I did it usually made things worse. I felt better but then the dynamic got fed again aswell. That being said there is also a way to speak up and not feed into it, yet this has so many doors that lead back into it.

Other reasons why it may not work is because we may want to bite back so to speak with our good mood but by doing so also feeding into the dynamic.

I remember one day a few years back where this worked, just that I didn’t know what I was doing and I lost touch to it. I remember my brother being very irritated cause he had no food so to speak. I was very chatty and just felt very free and liberated and little self-conscious but mindful, just being intuitively connected to myself and acting out who I am naturally. I usually am not that chatty in family for obvious reaons. And if one tries hard to be like this you add pressure and you actually come from a lower position. But once the anger and rebellious feelings are used to be oneself where one doesn’t try to get verified something happens and that is you get back in touch with who you are*.

Another way this may not work is if the intuition or awareness of who is you is not yet strong enough#(we all have this intuition) or if one gets upset if it doesn’t work, then you may also use the anger on yourself but you always have the option to use it for being yourself # (it is something you can’t try, if you have such on mind it expresses instead) and the reactions can be quite amusing in a liberating way cause some people get completely confused and we tend to be living up to what we started so to speak# (We become what we act out, just that if it is of lower vibe healing is faster if it is overcome).

This way one could even get lost in a situation and then the next moment being yourself without feeling weird about the contrast cause you use rebellious positive or liberating energy -i don’t know how to call it – which is high vibe*. It’s easy to get into the low vibe and we tend to stick in it*. Or one may think it would look fake yet this perception doesn’t arise with this energy behind it*. So it may likely happen that one gets really angry inside which helps to counter fear but on the outside having really good mood or being assertive and at this point the anger already transformed into something else yet still being the foundation* (theory doesn’t really matter what transformed into what). That being said the day I mentioned where this just worked I woke up and felt not angry at all and just kept up the state after waking up.* (It is like crossroads. Once a few things go right it is pretty hard to not be yourself. And if one is not it is not about trying to be yourself instead cause that is a side-effect of anger towards low vibe or such) Yet now I remember that prior to that there was anger that I didn’t feel before. I did express things through singing.

In this “state” it becomes easy to keep up boundaries, or you’ll look forward to do things you enjoyed but maybe lost touch to. Fears also lower, and you feel more protected.

Being stuck

I was waking up the other day when a bee tried to get out in the open again and her buzzes kept me awake. I stayed in bed hoping it would find the exit but it just flew against the window pane over and over again.

Then I was thinking how this is exactly how one could get stuck in life. When you try over and over the same thing. But the main part is the frustration from in this case not finding the exit and from the overall established situation.

And the only way it seems to change something about that is to let go of the distress and just fly out and never look back. Or especially through letting go you then have enough space in your sight to even see the opportunites.

The trappy thing about such a situation – being stuck in life – are the emotions. It’s not good to ignore them or act as if everything is just fine, yet being angry and frustrated also doesn’t work, or it depends, expressing emotions is never a bad idea, yet it could reconfirm something that keeps one stuck.

The bee seemed frustrated. Only after she stopped trying the old way she must have found the gap. And once she was out she likely didn’t care much.

But imagine she would have stayed in this position for quite a while, she would probably identified itself with it which is rather a metapher.

So as for such situations it seems that letting go of emotions that reconfirm a self-fulfilling selfimage is the key but the way it is done is through insight and not self-critically or such, just knowing that one did it the wrong way and that was why things didn’t got better and then trusting into a change and through this letting go of frustration.

It’s like you walked down the wrong road and it’s pointless to walk back or on and you can only leave that road.

Another thing that comes with it is the way our realtionships established during such times. And one probably feels the need to stay consistent and how would that look if you would just be like someone else almost or actually just the way one is which is easy to lose touch to. Here i think the best thing one could do is to simply be oneself and never bother to explain yourself or wait for confirmation or such or try to figure out what others may think now and by doing this not getting back on the old road.

One’s literally gotto to leave the whole situation with all that came with it – including ways of looking at life -at the future, the past and all the comforting things about it also. And the main tricky thing is to not leave yourself in such situation behind and walk on empty. It’s all in the way one lets go. It “should” be almost playful or refreshed and calm and not trying hard but it is also possible to try hard not to try hard 😉 which is why i don’t like the word should, I just don’t know any better way to phrase it. Yet a fighting attitude may be reasonable aswell.

The moment I wanted to help out the bee by wanting to open the window it was already flewn out but that probably doesn’t mean much, yet i like this as a metapher aswell. Another one would be how peaceful it flies once out  compared to the tilted attitude before. Yet it was the same bee.