Don’t take it personal

 

“Don’t take it personal”….” You wouldn’t say that if you didn’t mean it.” (it actually doesn’t mean, that the person meant it, but somebody who didn’t mean it, wouldn’t say such a thing)

This is btw the original thought behind my blog, 1 liners to express intuition/truth and assert things.

I was watching a Russian movie from the 70ies and somebody said with dignity, feeling slightly offended: “Don’t generalise it. pause Mine is an individual case.”, and they were friends, so he tries to reach him there. And I was imagening the other guy would reply : I didn’t mean to offend you, or don’t take it personal..and it felt really off to say these weird meta things.

I mean, apart from really meaning something like, I didn’t mean to offend you, apart from that, I feel it narrows life, like pushing pause. And then it appeared to me, that somebody who didn’t mean it personal would never say a thing like Don’t take it personal. I’m not saying there is an intention but you know…It’s really strange to say this stuff.

Overall I feel it’s a good idea to know what not to say and how not to say something. There was this other scene in a movie. Somebody was eating and the other person suggested to take some bread with it. He replied: Let me finish what I have first.

Sometimes we are focussed on how to say something which often comes with a ghostwritten thing about it, when it shud be about the expression, meaning no selfconsciousness. For some things we often have intonation habbits that communicate a tone that we might not even mean to communicate. So because of that, it would be good to know how not to say something, and the rest might just go by itself.

As for the above reply, in this specific situation the character says it non-asking, non-threatening, nonaggressive in general, nonpleasing and not trying to be assertive or lets say you could say that. And it was something I could relate to without meaning this in a repressive or definite sense. It simply comes from how you feel or how the the situation and said things are perceived, mostly it’s in the perception but it can be approached reverse by getting in touch with how not to say it.

But instead of that there might be fear of not saying it like that plus fear of saying it another way which causes not saying it the actual way. Very often there is fear underneath, and the question really is what the heck is the fear about and I think it is this.

The antidot for this, apart from meeting somebody who reminds one of who one is,  could be something like training in a calm moment or inspiration through life, also experiencing oneself expressing things with a different intonation, through imaginations that just come up, seeing how it feels (or acting, singing, ideally something natural, there isn’t really an intention, it’s something that’s enjoyable to do). But there is no goal to say it a certain way, that is actually just the point I’m trying to make. It’s an inspiration to connect back cause we always are already, everything is always there.

The moment you get in touch with the right intonation you give room for memories to come back to resolve situations from the past but only if there is real energy behind it or it would be impressive. Overall when things work they just work and there is not a lot of thinking. After all there is worlds between being and being self-conscious like a window that a bee tries to get through. It looks real but it feels different and once the bee found the gap, it just flies.

And we only try to say things a certain way because of this fear, or whatever it is , that causes to not say it the right way. It’s like a negative circle, like a layer.

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Justifying or explaining oneself

I don’t really get why this has such a negative frame. And maybe it is because of guilt or a defensive behaviour. Or maybe it is the case that the intention isn’t even to justify. Maybe the intention was to put right or to show something in a connecting way. But somehow it got mischanneled, something like a automatic expression.

I remember situations when I felt really good after putting something right, where  at first I felt like I better don’t justify but interestingly I didn’t even want to do any of that. So it’s quite funny. It’s like not wanting to do something you didn’t mean to do in the first place but by not doing so you also overgo the actual thing.

It feels really good to express what one meant, it’s got a certain energy and it’s just good 🙂 because otherwise misunderstandings just fucking can take up space and you know. To me the bad image of justifying which probably also has a good meaning, to me it’s got something repressive. You could really express things with good vibe.

Actually I remember a little situation from today. I was printing out some things at a store and I asked how to make multiple copies and the guy (idiot) said I would have to push a button. To which I reacted with Oh really and that already felt off. So he acted like it’s fucking obvious I would have to push a number simply. But it’s not fucking obvious because you could also have to push some menu button first. So he went back to his corner leaving me feeling a little bit stupid so I took a moment to listen inside and then said But it’s not that it was obvious! slightly jokingly and he went like No problem kinda excusingly.

You gotto know, I live in a place where there tons of these fucking doublebinds and I’m so fucking sick of it.

So, sometimes there is surely such a thing as justifying and sometimes something else gets framed the same way I feel.

There seems to be more to it but I can’t put my finger on it.

 

 

Flirting/Making friends

I rewrite this one, cause it got too much overthought. The idea was simply to realise that when somebody does not return a look, which is natural..to look at somebody you like…then it is good to respect that. Knowing that the person might just have prejudices or whatever is the reason. To not get into any passive aggressive things or playing as if you also were not interested. By respecting it truly and naturally like you would rang a door but nobody answered there is a lack of all the other things that the person might expected from you which is why they might not returned the look in the first place. Something like that. I mean this was the essence of it and I think it is inspiring enough.

I mean this is really also about avoiding roleing and reroleing, to keep the vibe up for yourself where it is possible to connect to someone. It comes very natural to just not question it and respect it. It feels good. When I did this, the other one actually looked then at me and I forgot to look back cause I was still in the other movie. It showed that there was a diiferent expectation and then something like interest why it was different. People tend to underestimate sometimes and who knows why they do and it doesn’t matter. It goes kinda hand in hand with misunderstanding clear up by itself when you stay on your page.

 

 

Relationships

The good of something old is not at all not inclusive in the good of something new.

In another sense, it’s these 2 things, to either talk it out or create something new. It can be tricky to impossible when talking about it makes it worse. Somebody not wanting to talk about it,might easily feel unconsciously he or she simply can’t because of being lost or seeing it would lead to such, or fears and lack of trust also. Meaning to splitt is often actually because one wants to connect. And to create new requires a good amount of understanding. Somebody might say something but actually misexpressed it and then identified with it and actually doesn’t want to have a reply to it but feels so cause the feeling was pleasant. By that I mean the thing about says no means yes or the other way around.

It is not easy to create a proper relationship when both don’t have a a good sense for reality and self. Otherwise it can be like In Uncharted 2 the Coop, person gets stunned all the time. So the best idea seems to be to not be irritated so easily. Oftentimes, it always looks like it isn’t. Somebody might act like a worried parent, projecting fears but might actually be worried about being in such role maybe. So if you would say something like don’t worry, person would identify. It’s the theme of roleing and reroleing. So it would be better to just let the person be from knowing everything else makes it worse, it’s not really the same as in taking them for real and letting them be. Or saying something simply based on what one sees. It often needs the natural feelings/energy you feel cause we face energy also, so saying this is whatever as in achieving such, cause it’s automatic. It is more about knowing that it needs surely a real perception to feel and there is no point in trying cause when it is, trying is not part of that. Something not to do and knowing why because sometimes the trying is the only thing that might be distracting but not at all overall. Sorry for expressing this complicatedly 🙂

So in that sense you can’t try to create. Relationships go easy as children  and around the first quarter of life. Then “shit” of the world or not really the world sneaks in as in I’m angry about it, causes disconnections and it doesn’t matter to think about such and why and that it might make sense or maybe that it is unneccssary. It doesn’t matter cause one might aswell or prefer to create something side-effect wise. But it shows that true love can be like the lottery, to get through and not misunderstand each other and change in the process. At the same it isn’t that hard. It’s always easy actually which is also why it can be so hard.

Being offended

Somebody devalueing something human. In a way it’s like it doesn’t even work/count because the elephant in the room, the person is human too.

And it’s the same with truth. Which is of high vibe and we tend to low vibe defend it and lower its value such way.

(Now, things like that are also based on something human that could be perceived or not. So, in that sense, is there even any devalueing or is it some unconscious irony or something of that nature as if the person is saying of course I’m not doing any of that (I mean at the same time as of the expression of feelings), but being too lost or something like that. As if the actual communication is very different and we don’t really perceive reality.

I mean, I like this idea because it feels easygoing which doesn’t contrast with the hurt we feel but rather prevents it to some degree potentially. I mean I’m feeling these 2 things: 1 is something like a friendly absurdity expressing: Hey, that doesn’t even work dumbass. Like something hilarious or it could be kind too or whatever else. And the other is something serious based on the feelings involved.)

 

Listening to somebody

I was listening to 2 youtube videos at once and realized there is no need for close attention. I listen anyway unless my attention is elsewhere or I’m expressing desinterest.

Listening happens by remembering sound, key words, information something that interests you, just like reading music. And I don’t mean social interaction where it is not only about making a point.

Like somebody says a whole sentence and then naturally you pick up the whole thing but not word by word. Just as much as you need to get it. Yet there is no extra effort to get the point. You let it echo so to speak.

That means you dont have to listen, but you just hear, there is no need for close attention.

It is always about getting the point, that should be in any interest of a speaker
and a speaker should be happy when point is gotten and not care about exact words or demand attention.

Each speaker only “makes listen” to convey his point. That is the balance for listening to somebody. By balance i mean he shouldn’t be able to demand attention cause he would never admit it would not be about making a point.

Once one seems desinterested, it’s only cause he makes no point or already made it or it is already obvious. So, interrupting is not impolite, how absurd it wud be. Only if one acts/feels like one was impolite (nonrealistic perception), it gives new material to demand attention.

Realities

It was around 9 pm when he entered the fast food restaurant. He knew it wasn’t healthy but he didn’t feel like cooking. He just put on an old cap. He was dressing down but then it was fine with him.

“Hm maybe 6 cheeseburgers. I’m really hungry. Or maybe 4 and a bigger burger. But which one.” He didn’t really think it, it was more a feeling.

“Well, I’ll see inside.  Havn’t been here in a while.” When he opened the door he felt a sense of pressure. He knew why. And so it would come. But then he didn’t bother. He just didn’t know yet. And a sense of understanding himself cleared the uncomfortable feeling.

So he walked to the counter. The place was empty overall , nobody waiting before him. He could make out a person in the far right corner but since he didn’t know what to eat exactly he intentionally did not make contact.

He looked up to the menues. Couldn’t find what he was looking for. He was about to remember that the prices for the single burgers were written to the side but before he realized it fully the young woman working there asked: “Hello, what would you like to order?”

Her energy was pressuring and distanced. He knew it was coming, that was the feeling when he opened the door. He tought to himself that it’s just a meaningless situation but then the theme involved he realized is not so meaningless.

Surely he could look at her and tell her that he doesn’t know yet. But it felt so absurd. “Isn’t my bodylanguage..didn’t I already tell you I don’t know yet. DO NOT APPROACH ME.” he thought. He felt angry even calmly gestured with his hand to leave him alone,yet she had to act out the waiting annoyed character. Surely he didn’t reply with words. “People are so focussed on words”, he thought, “when you reply with body language they feel offended as if you act a higher status.”

He realized to not be in her movie. What is her movie even? “Am i keeping her waiting?” While he considered it he realized he somewhat lost touch to his reality and he also realized how he acted out her reality. All of a sudden there was a mix of feeling to be handed a villain role.

After all he just ignored her. But then he knew she ignored him first and he knew he didn’t ignore her. She ruined it what could been a decent meaningful human interaction. Yet he understood her. She clearly felt ignored or played the good old got ya game to release and dump stress.

Before he turned to her and smiled, saying: “I don’t know yet.” he felt her eyes on him, pressuring him. This in return made him take longer than he wanted now appearing as if he was holding her up or playing with her.

That’s why he smiled friendly and cleared it up  yet now appearing apologizing. But what for ? Already in her movie. It wasn’t a please like me smile, it wasn’t weak. Understanding is not weak nor is it funny. He stood to his reality.

At the same time he was angry but also amused at the absurd situation.

He asked her: “How much is this burger from this menue by itself?” She hesitated. He knew why and added: “Oh nevermind I see it is written over there.” She replied: “It is written over there.” acting competent and confident while clearly appearing the opposite.

What an absurd thing to say. He hated this low vibe, this, well stupidity. Emotionally stupid, yet he knew it wasn’r right yet real. He understood too well, it can be a problem he thought amused to himself. The reaons why he asked her was because she interrupted him, so he was like: “If you don’t let me look then please go ahead and answer it for me.”

So he again made up for her incompetence by playing it low, realizing it was written over there and the only thing this person could do is to freaking REPEAT what he just said and act as if she said it.

It seemed, to her it was all about avoiding fears, being focussed on her, completely ignoring other people.

He understood her, he remembered the relationship concept from his music therapy apprenticeship. Level 6 and 5, playful interaction, real connection. Level 3 using the therapist for own needs. This must been one of these level 3 situations. Yet this isn’t therapy.

He zoned out. It got too absurd. He knew she would now overly seriously mention the amount of money. She in fact said it twice. Once before she was heading for the serviettes and then again after she returned to hand over everything. He just looked at the number on the screen and tuned her out.

Surely he knew there should be rather a higher vibe interaction leaving the low work vibe behind. Surely he knew even though it is considered standard to mention the amount of money, he knew it is absurd. Something to be done in your sleep, a quick look while relating. She was afraid of relating surely he thought. So she had to make a big deal of the situation. 9 Euro 16 please.

“It was the same vibe when people tell you to enter your pin and verify with the green button” he thought. One time he played dumb. It was fun. “Enter here?” “I’m not sure I get you right, you said green?,this green here? :)” Of course the person took it personal, that’s the problem with playfulness these days and he felt the villain role being suggested to him and a lack of understanding for why he also was a bit angry. It was the situation, the lack of human exchange. To the person it was a lack of respect.

So he then took his food and said bye. He was already above the things. A friendly bye. But he didn’t expect it to be returned or understood. In fact she didn’t reply and seemed to return the ignoring favour from the beginning by not returning the eye contact.

He felt a sense of absurdity reaching its peak, a bit of sadness and a feeling of letting go and being happy to having stayed true to his reality. He also knew to not be bothered again to help out with something that is pointless and only draws him in into somebody else’s movie which isn’t good for both sides.

At the same time it reminded him of football when a player would pass despite his team colleague clearly appearing to never reach it. He should been there. It’s what the situation demands. He broke the flow. No blame but this pass he felt is still important to be played anyway. And you may appear like a fool, but that’s how fools perceive.