A little story about being self-conscious

At times I feel a little selfconscious. I was sitting at a busstop that was out of service, to relax. And I got a bit selfconscious about it looking as if I was waiting for the bus. Until I realised that my selfconsciousness already includes knowing that the busstop is out of service. It’s rather a metaphor cause there is nothing to this situation really. Now you might think, ok if I wasn’t selfconscious then it’s not inclusive so you might get s.c. because of that but then you would realise that being s.c. still is absurd for the reason I just mentioned, so it’s kind of a thing of you might aswell not be s.c. or nevermind or such.

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Meaning of words (2): reliant

I have no idea if there is an imagenary thing about the word to rely on, but in German it means “sich verlassen auf”- to rely on sth/sb. Verlassen means to leave and lassen means to let. A synonym of reliant would be trusting. What I am trying to get at is that when you want to trust an intuition you would actually have to leave it, or to leave oneself. It is a certain energy/vibe that just rings good inside. It is very different from trying to not overthink which would be something like misunderstanding oneself, something like a layer.

Meaning of words (1): insecure, courageous, confidence

Every now and then I come across some interesting relations with words that I’m just gonna write about here.

So here is the chunk of words that came up when translating a Russian word:

cocky, confident, assertive, bold, presumptuous, cocksure, perky, opinionated, bumptious, overweening, nervy, positive, pragmatic, dogmatic, reliant, sure of oneself, self-confident, self-assured, self-sufficient

It obviously has flipsides. But maybe we often don’t see it the right way.

For example nervy means: nervous, uncalm, insecure but also bold, jumpy and courageous. And it is interesting because when you are confident you are sure and therefore calm. It is about a connection within. But when you are not confident you might be uncalm but it is very close to courageous cause if you were confident you wouldn’t need to be courageous. In this sense insecure seems very different from the usual way it gets looked at. I mean sometimes the connection is not very good but you still feel something is right even though you feel all the other things that come from doubts. In a way if you have a good intuition you wouldn’t even need courage. Sometimes it is possible to feel how doubts feel that just are never true.

Misunderstandings often clear up by themselves

It feels like the need or the trying to clear something up is often only cause of the belief that it would be the way. Because we don’t know that if we just stay on our page it will clear up by itself. By the lack of the other and by it in itself. Not that it really matters, it’s like inclusive.

 

Relationships

The good of something old is not at all not inclusive in the good of something new.

In another sense, it’s these 2 things, to either talk it out or create something new. It can be tricky to impossible when talking about it makes it worse. Somebody not wanting to talk about it,might easily feel unconsciously he or she simply can’t because of being lost or seeing it would lead to such, or fears and lack of trust also. Meaning to splitt is often actually because one wants to connect. And to create new requires a good amount of understanding. Somebody might say something but actually misexpressed it and then identified with it and actually doesn’t want to have a reply to it but feels so cause the feeling was pleasant. By that I mean the thing about says no means yes or the other way around.

It is not easy to create a proper relationship when both don’t have a a good sense for reality and self. Otherwise it can be like In Uncharted 2 the Coop, person gets stunned all the time. So the best idea seems to be to not be irritated so easily. Oftentimes, it always looks like it isn’t. Somebody might act like a worried parent, projecting fears but might actually be worried about being in such role maybe. So if you would say something like don’t worry, person would identify. It’s the theme of roleing and reroleing. So it would be better to just let the person be from knowing everything else makes it worse, it’s not really the same as in taking them for real and letting them be. Or saying something simply based on what one sees. It often needs the natural feelings/energy you feel cause we face energy also, so saying this is whatever as in achieving such, cause it’s automatic. It is more about knowing that it needs surely a real perception to feel and there is no point in trying cause when it is, trying is not part of that. Something not to do and knowing why because sometimes the trying is the only thing that might be distracting but not at all overall. Sorry for expressing this complicatedly 🙂

So in that sense you can’t try to create. Relationships go easy as children  and around the first quarter of life. Then “shit” of the world or not really the world sneaks in as in I’m angry about it, causes disconnections and it doesn’t matter to think about such and why and that it might make sense or maybe that it is unneccssary. It doesn’t matter cause one might aswell or prefer to create something side-effect wise. But it shows that true love can be like the lottery, to get through and not misunderstand each other and change in the process. At the same it isn’t that hard. It’s always easy actually which is also why it can be so hard.

Being offended

Somebody devalueing something human. In a way it’s like it doesn’t even work/count because the elephant in the room, the person is human too.

And it’s the same with truth. Which is of high vibe and we tend to low vibe defend it and lower its value such way.

(Now, things like that are also based on something human that could be perceived or not. So, in that sense, is there even any devalueing or is it some unconscious irony or something of that nature as if the person is saying of course I’m not doing any of that (I mean at the same time as of the expression of feelings), but being too lost or something like that. As if the actual communication is very different and we don’t really perceive reality.

I mean, I like this idea because it feels easygoing which doesn’t contrast with the hurt we feel but rather prevents it to some degree potentially. I mean I’m feeling these 2 things: 1 is something like a friendly absurdity expressing: Hey, that doesn’t even work dumbass. Like something hilarious or it could be kind too or whatever else. And the other is something serious based on the feelings involved.)

 

Vibe

Sometimes you just gotto look at things from the vibe perspective.

There were people having a fun time in the yard  where I live. It was late around 1 am. They were enjoying themselves (good vibe), laughing but not about someone you could hear (meh vibe) like ridicule.

Then somebody shouted from a window and shut them up and it was quiet then, as if he casted a spell, I mean you could look at it like that. But it was no peaceful silence, rather a dead one, where there has just been something alive.

Now I wonder is it really about silence that you need to be able to sleep (better). Isn’t it more about something comforting which such vibe would be.

Now surely it may have confronted him with such vibe he doesn’t want to have cause it confronts him with something. But then which one is the more mature one. His shouting was based on fear effectively.

As for their reaction, surely if they’d kept it up he’d call the police and they don’t care bout that. But also how often do people change from their joyful vibe to the lower one finding themselves in an argument why they should have this fun time. Why leave the good vibe but is it really a question of choice or rather perception?

Then others may realize the fear in him and would ridicule him, which also makes them lose that vibe although this is rather typical for low vibe get togethers which you can hear by the way people laugh.