Flirting/Making friends

I rewrite this one, cause it got too much overthought. The idea was simply to realise that when somebody does not return a look, which is natural..to look at somebody you like…then it is good to respect that. Knowing that the person might just have prejudices or whatever is the reason. To not get into any passive aggressive things or playing as if you also were not interested. By respecting it truly and naturally like you would rang a door but nobody answered there is a lack of all the other things that the person might expected from you which is why they might not returned the look in the first place. Something like that. I mean this was the essence of it and I think it is inspiring enough.

I mean this is really also about avoiding roleing and reroleing, to keep the vibe up for yourself where it is possible to connect to someone. It comes very natural to just not question it and respect it. It feels good. When I did this, the other one actually looked then at me and I forgot to look back cause I was still in the other movie. It showed that there was a diiferent expectation and then something like interest why it was different. People tend to underestimate sometimes and who knows why they do and it doesn’t matter. It goes kinda hand in hand with misunderstanding clear up by itself when you stay on your page.

 

 

Advertisements

Meaning of words (3): hate

In Russian to hate means nenavidit, which means something like “not see”, something you don’t want to see, detest, can’t stand, can’t abide. I also think it relates to not having a connection to oneself, like numbness where there would be anger, or it is because of not having the connection to one’s feelings. So hate can also be good anger or something like an easy feeling of something you just can’t stand but you don’t bother much about it cause you keep it far away anyway. It surely is also connected to what you love. It can be destructive when the connection is not good or the other side takes it too personal maybe, but can be a start to feeling oneself or anger it rather is, I’m not sure. You could literally shout “I hate to not feel myself” or “I’m sick of not feeling myself” maybe with a guitar to give a soundarea to carry it more. Kinda like thunder and lightning. I mean you could start quiet and just let things come up and if you were not feeling yourself, it should get more intense and then there should be relief, like the rain afterwards (crying), when the thunder stops. Kinda just an allowing thing. And there should be more of a sunny day then. I mean this is very basic cause there is many things to feel about but I think it applies a lot and is generally something to feel about.

 

edit: This particular expression might actually not be good in the sense it could land on oneself but I’m not sure.

edit: I think it is better to be sick of something that you’re just sick of without kinda being the same way about it (editedit: being sick of something also has some biases (frames around it), and in itself it also hinders anger actually I feel but it’s like part of something, I mean it’s nothing to overthink anyway). What I’m trying to get it is this mad feeling that can be attached to hating. Its a bit overserious cause there is always humour also but not about feelings of course. I really think this expression actually might not be so good. Very often we hinder ourselves to just feel how we feel and then it doesn’t have the relieving effect. You might actually have more empathy when you not be like Oh I can’t really feel this cause I can understand it, when you’re just really sick of something and it’s just about feeling it. But it’s nothing to do with not having understanding or opposing this.

Another thought that came to my mind is that anger/hate is connected to hurt also for there to be relief cause it feels bitter otherwise. It actually is a thing of love, I don’t really know how it works and truly, love also heals in itself. Something of love to feel and I did it with singing, shouting cause it’s often not possible to do in relationships without the dynamic bringing something back that would hinder relief. Afterwards I sounded clear again and it was surely also healing through singing then.

So there seems to be two kinds of hate but probably depends on how much it is connected to feelings of hurt and love which gives it a higher vibe. We don’t really feel things when we vibe low.

edit: I get now why I felt the expression would land on oneself. Because by writing about it, it became like a recipe. Therefore the things I wrote about feelings are true and good, but there is plenty of overthinking in it that makes it harder to feel plus the lack of a more human way of writing where you could really relate. Frankly speaking this is something like a personal struggle because I did feel really good after expressing feelings with music and somehow I got a bit into trying to get there again which is pretty bad especially cause it implies not wanting to do any of that cause it wouldn’t “work”. It’s actually a pretty common theme these days, this recipe way of going about things. Lots of true things are said but it doesn’t really reach. I’ll rewrite this one when I find the time.

 

 

Thoughts about god

People always say god wants you to be really down so he can work through you and in a way it’s how it goes but its not cause he wants you to be down, it’s just naturally the only way towards him and not away from. You might say, sure what else, but I didn’t mean it this way. I meant that being down is a side-effect.. I actually can’t put my finger on it anymore but maybe you feel what I mean.

In the same sense something kind and something sarcastic could look like the same thing. When you appear like playing it down so it can reach somebody…it could also look very similar like this when you were sarcastic, feeling unloved. Obviously the expressions are way different.

God speaks through people also and often they can’t get it across any better way but it sounding critical while the idea still is not to look at that opposing one’s feelings. It’s just some kind of understanding that might resolve a few things and it is related to that one does not need to be all down to connect back.

 

Relationships

The good of something old is not at all not inclusive in the good of something new.

In another sense, it’s these 2 things, to either talk it out or create something new. It can be tricky to impossible when talking about it makes it worse. Somebody not wanting to talk about it,might easily feel unconsciously he or she simply can’t because of being lost or seeing it would lead to such, or fears and lack of trust also. Meaning to splitt is often actually because one wants to connect. And to create new requires a good amount of understanding. Somebody might say something but actually misexpressed it and then identified with it and actually doesn’t want to have a reply to it but feels so cause the feeling was pleasant. By that I mean the thing about says no means yes or the other way around.

It is not easy to create a proper relationship when both don’t have a a good sense for reality and self. Otherwise it can be like In Uncharted 2 the Coop, person gets stunned all the time. So the best idea seems to be to not be irritated so easily. Oftentimes, it always looks like it isn’t. Somebody might act like a worried parent, projecting fears but might actually be worried about being in such role maybe. So if you would say something like don’t worry, person would identify. It’s the theme of roleing and reroleing. So it would be better to just let the person be from knowing everything else makes it worse, it’s not really the same as in taking them for real and letting them be. Or saying something simply based on what one sees. It often needs the natural feelings/energy you feel cause we face energy also, so saying this is whatever as in achieving such, cause it’s automatic. It is more about knowing that it needs surely a real perception to feel and there is no point in trying cause when it is, trying is not part of that. Something not to do and knowing why because sometimes the trying is the only thing that might be distracting but not at all overall. Sorry for expressing this complicatedly 🙂

So in that sense you can’t try to create. Relationships go easy as children  and around the first quarter of life. Then “shit” of the world or not really the world sneaks in as in I’m angry about it, causes disconnections and it doesn’t matter to think about such and why and that it might make sense or maybe that it is unneccssary. It doesn’t matter cause one might aswell or prefer to create something side-effect wise. But it shows that true love can be like the lottery, to get through and not misunderstand each other and change in the process. At the same it isn’t that hard. It’s always easy actually which is also why it can be so hard.

Being kind to yourself

I feel often we are not kind to ourselves when we know we can do better. But often we also didn’t do better cause our spirit was down and then on top of it sometimes we are not kind to ourselves in such moments or are critical with ourselves which brings us even more down.

This is a double.effect. When our spirit is up we tend to make less mistakes. So be kind to yourself, knowing you could do better but you likely were just down-hearted 🙂

We are expressive beings and surely we could also or do express in such moments, that we are sad or down. It’s just that frustration and such things are better not turned against ourselves through the use of learnt patterns we learnt from others. Surely it expresses but with a different perception emotions could not arise in the first place, resolve or express but not on ourselves but as ourselves.

Then i was thinking that being kind to oneself is more about an inner picture or a perception. A feeling. It’s surely different to when somebody is kind to us.

 

Vibe

Sometimes you just gotto look at things from the vibe perspective.

There were people having a fun time in the yard  where I live. It was late around 1 am. They were enjoying themselves (good vibe), laughing but not about someone you could hear (meh vibe) like ridicule.

Then somebody shouted from a window and shut them up and it was quiet then, as if he casted a spell, I mean you could look at it like that. But it was no peaceful silence, rather a dead one, where there has just been something alive.

Now I wonder is it really about silence that you need to be able to sleep (better). Isn’t it more about something comforting which such vibe would be.

Now surely it may have confronted him with such vibe he doesn’t want to have cause it confronts him with something. But then which one is the more mature one. His shouting was based on fear effectively.

As for their reaction, surely if they’d kept it up he’d call the police and they don’t care bout that. But also how often do people change from their joyful vibe to the lower one finding themselves in an argument why they should have this fun time. Why leave the good vibe but is it really a question of choice or rather perception?

Then others may realize the fear in him and would ridicule him, which also makes them lose that vibe although this is rather typical for low vibe get togethers which you can hear by the way people laugh.

Song in vain

You said you want

to cross the line

but then you thought

this isn’t right

But now you feel like searching on

it’s just a hint within your gut

This could turn out to be wise

For now it feels more like a lie

 

I know it’s you

But I know you don’t re—alize — it’s me

The truth in disguise of my fake destiny

Words just fall between our song and build

a wall that needs to stay no longer than it takes

it takes for this lesson

 

Can’t you feel my soul

I feel we’re drifting away

Can’t you see it’s pure

behind the blur in the way

The more i try to show

The more our love’s resisting to stay

My hands are tied cause you’re half the world away

my hands are tied cause you’re half the world away

even though this is meant rather figuratively