Subtle Gut Feeling

When what you want to say is obvious and you went like.. example: I just imagined I built this in uhm I built this in (Survival) it doesn’t feel like you actually still want to say it but would move on. Besides comfortable “it cud also be” something playful, teasing. It’s based on knowing the other one got it. It’s got something to do with sensing how it feels if you said it.

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Don’t take it personal

 

“Don’t take it personal”….” You wouldn’t say that if you didn’t mean it.” (it actually doesn’t mean, that the person meant it, but somebody who didn’t mean it, wouldn’t say such a thing)

This is btw the original thought behind my blog, 1 liners to express intuition/truth and assert things.

I was watching a Russian movie from the 70ies and somebody said with dignity, feeling slightly offended: “Don’t generalise it. pause Mine is an individual case.”, and they were friends, so he tries to reach him there. And I was imagening the other guy would reply : I didn’t mean to offend you, or don’t take it personal..and it felt really off to say these weird meta things.

I mean, apart from really meaning something like, I didn’t mean to offend you, apart from that, I feel it narrows life, like pushing pause. And then it appeared to me, that somebody who didn’t mean it personal would never say a thing like Don’t take it personal. I’m not saying there is an intention but you know…It’s really strange to say this stuff.

Overall I feel it’s a good idea to know what not to say and how not to say something. There was this other scene in a movie. Somebody was eating and the other person suggested to take some bread with it. He replied: Let me finish what I have first.

Sometimes we are focussed on how to say something which often comes with a ghostwritten thing about it, when it shud be about the expression, meaning no selfconsciousness. For some things we often have intonation habbits that communicate a tone that we might not even mean to communicate. So because of that, it would be good to know how not to say something, and the rest might just go by itself.

As for the above reply, in this specific situation the character says it non-asking, non-threatening, nonaggressive in general, nonpleasing and not trying to be assertive or lets say you could say that. And it was something I could relate to without meaning this in a repressive or definite sense. It simply comes from how you feel or how the the situation and said things are perceived, mostly it’s in the perception but it can be approached reverse by getting in touch with how not to say it.

But instead of that there might be fear of not saying it like that plus fear of saying it another way which causes not saying it the actual way. Very often there is fear underneath, and the question really is what the heck is the fear about and I think it is this.

The antidot for this, apart from meeting somebody who reminds one of who one is,  could be something like training in a calm moment or inspiration through life, also experiencing oneself expressing things with a different intonation, through imaginations that just come up, seeing how it feels (or acting, singing, ideally something natural, there isn’t really an intention, it’s something that’s enjoyable to do). But there is no goal to say it a certain way, that is actually just the point I’m trying to make. It’s an inspiration to connect back cause we always are already, everything is always there.

The moment you get in touch with the right intonation you give room for memories to come back to resolve situations from the past but only if there is real energy behind it or it would be impressive. Overall when things work they just work and there is not a lot of thinking. After all there is worlds between being and being self-conscious like a window that a bee tries to get through. It looks real but it feels different and once the bee found the gap, it just flies.

And we only try to say things a certain way because of this fear, or whatever it is , that causes to not say it the right way. It’s like a negative circle, like a layer.

Justifying or explaining oneself

I don’t really get why this has such a negative frame. And maybe it is because of guilt or a defensive behaviour. Or maybe it is the case that the intention isn’t even to justify. Maybe the intention was to put right or to show something in a connecting way. But somehow it got mischanneled, something like a automatic expression.

I remember situations when I felt really good after putting something right, where  at first I felt like I better don’t justify but interestingly I didn’t even want to do any of that. So it’s quite funny. It’s like not wanting to do something you didn’t mean to do in the first place but by not doing so you also overgo the actual thing.

It feels really good to express what one meant, it’s got a certain energy and it’s just good 🙂 because otherwise misunderstandings just fucking can take up space and you know. To me the bad image of justifying which probably also has a good meaning, to me it’s got something repressive. You could really express things with good vibe.

Actually I remember a little situation from today. I was printing out some things at a store and I asked how to make multiple copies and the guy (idiot) said I would have to push a button. To which I reacted with Oh really and that already felt off. So he acted like it’s fucking obvious I would have to push a number simply. But it’s not fucking obvious because you could also have to push some menu button first. So he went back to his corner leaving me feeling a little bit stupid so I took a moment to listen inside and then said But it’s not that it was obvious! slightly jokingly and he went like No problem kinda excusingly.

You gotto know, I live in a place where there tons of these fucking doublebinds and I’m so fucking sick of it.

So, sometimes there is surely such a thing as justifying and sometimes something else gets framed the same way I feel.

There seems to be more to it but I can’t put my finger on it.

 

 

Meaning of words (2): reliant

I have no idea if there is an imagenary thing about the word to rely on, but in German it means “sich verlassen auf”- to rely on sth/sb. Verlassen means to leave and lassen means to let. A synonym of reliant would be trusting. What I am trying to get at is that when you want to trust an intuition you would actually have to leave it, or to leave oneself. It is a certain energy/vibe that just rings good inside. It is very different from trying to not overthink which would be something like misunderstanding oneself, something like a layer.

Misunderstandings often clear up by themselves

It feels like the need or the trying to clear something up is often only cause of the belief that it would be the way. Because we don’t know that if we just stay on our page it will clear up by itself. By the lack of the other and by it in itself. Not that it really matters, it’s like inclusive.

 

Thoughts about god

People always say god wants you to be really down so he can work through you and in a way it’s how it goes but its not cause he wants you to be down, it’s just naturally the only way towards him and not away from. You might say, sure what else, but I didn’t mean it this way. I meant that being down is a side-effect.. I actually can’t put my finger on it anymore but maybe you feel what I mean.

In the same sense something kind and something sarcastic could look like the same thing. When you appear like playing it down so it can reach somebody…it could also look very similar like this when you were sarcastic, feeling unloved. Obviously the expressions are way different.

God speaks through people also and often they can’t get it across any better way but it sounding critical while the idea still is not to look at that opposing one’s feelings. It’s just some kind of understanding that might resolve a few things and it is related to that one does not need to be all down to connect back.

 

Music and Practising it

Making a mis-take playing music …The reason to play something again is not to play the tune perfect as in having to play it perfect. Because that is hilariously absurd (apart from there being a real reason also for such ways). It is simply to stay in touch with the feeling you either want to express through the music “or” the feeling of a tune overall.

The same is true for practice. It is just naturally motivated by wanting to feel how it feels. Surely there are other “ways” or maybe wanting to practise technique to have a flowing experience or to later then “be more expressively”.

Thing is if you want to feel how it feels you get creative technically and how to practise it. But if you force yourself, you don’t even feel why you wanted to play it in the first place. So the pure performance focus becomes absurd cause it distracts.