Being kind to yourself

I feel often we are not kind to ourselves when we know we can do better. But often we also didn’t do better cause our spirit was down and then on top of it sometimes we are not kind to ourselves in such moments or are critical with ourselves which brings us even more down.

This is a double.effect. When our spirit is up we tend to make less mistakes. So be kind to yourself, knowing you could do better but you likely were just down-hearted 🙂

We are expressive beings and surely we could also or do express in such moments, that we are sad or down. It’s just that frustration and such things are better not turned against ourselves through the use of learnt patterns we learnt from others. Surely it expresses but with a different perception emotions could not arise in the first place, resolve or express but not on ourselves but as ourselves.

Then i was thinking that being kind to oneself is more about an inner picture or a perception. A feeling. It’s surely different to when somebody is kind to us.

 

Advertisements

Song in vain

You said you want

to cross the line

but then you thought

this isn’t right

But now you feel like searching on

it’s just a hint within your gut

This could turn out to be wise

For now it feels more like a lie

 

I know it’s you

But I know you don’t re—alize — it’s me

The truth in disguise of my fake destiny

Words just fall between our song and build

a wall that needs to stay no longer than it takes

it takes for this lesson

 

Can’t you feel my soul

I feel we’re drifting away

Can’t you see it’s pure

behind the blur in the way

The more i try to show

The more our love’s resisting to stay

My hands are tied cause you’re half the world away

my hands are tied cause you’re half the world away

even though this is meant rather figuratively

 

Playfulness 2

This is from the same video. Everything is playful between the 2 guys, yet it can be used vs fear mongering.

So one guy mentions something like: “Oh that is gonna be tough.”

The other guy acts afraid but not mocking the other person: “Whoo”

This is also a way to deal with such things when you frame the fear mongering as playful. Kinda acting naive cause it makes the other person act hard to not give themselves away but more importantly you set the vibe.

Then he says this random hilarious thing with a sligjtly overly serious intonation while the other guy is talking about why it is tough: “It’s not easy.”

You know it’s got that vibe of provoking a laugh in overly serious situations where you feel as if it is “not allowed” to laugh, yet he cannot be blamed to be disrespectful. So it’s this combination of serious intonation as if he is about to add something important and then making this random remark. Surely the same comment without the playfulness is not funny.

Later in the video one guy says: “Could you stand over on that piston.” and again it’s all playful. He acts a serious person who gives instructions or actually he is just serious/adult but he can’t keep it up for long cause the other one is making him laugh.

And the other one replies in a random moment: “This one here.” with an intonation as if it was tough to find and he is not sure, yet there is only one piston xD.

What adds to the fun is that you never know what he is going to reply cause he is also straight forward. It’s like he uses it sparingly intuitively when you don’t expect it.

Surely if you would do such things consciously it likely takes away from the fun but as with everything it can be forgotten once re/learnt or inspired. It definitely needs authenticity and an inner impulse otherwise it’s empty. It could also be inspiring for a dialogue in a book or such things.

Now there is another thing he does. He then takes the adult serious role and acts it which is what makes it funny in contrast with his previous remarks:

“That was a bit of a mind..like a mess.”  “A mindfuck. Is that what you are avoiding saying!?”

It can easily come across as critical but it’s not condescending but adult, yet he is playful but he doesn’t show. At the same time he also kinda means it yet never critical as in fault-finding.

So playfulness really can spice up these Got ya games people tend to play and they are so serious about it. It just beats that vibe.

In general what being playful does is it shows whenever being serious is overused for no reason without being disrespectful, blaming or critical which would also only add to nonplayful vibe. It is in itself actually more adult/mature. Self-expression for example is always more mature but may seem “childish” which it is yet it isn’t immature.

Just when it is done as in attention-whoring or always going for it in certain spots this will then make it rather lame or annoying also because of the self-consciousness. It is only fun when it’s a natural innocent expression. Yet even from there there is room for surprise when you would keep it up or such. And it may be a good start when the atmosphere is very serious and tense and go from there.

Another thing that ruins playfulness is if you feel you are supposed to laugh. And it may even be funny in itself but this could then ruin it and feels irritating. It’s kinda the same as I just wrote above. Or when there is trying hard to have a good time again it is better to let go and be “normal” and let it arise naturally, otherwise it causes being blocked. So it’s like trying hard creates tension and stress and when you stop that this will then be released cause tension also leads to overly serious acting which has the potential to be funny. Or when trying hard creates tension,  just picking something that may be less funny in itself can do the trick to ease up. And then there is relief and the laughter itself makes it funny.

“Just be yourself” *updated

 

 

edit:  I’m gonna edit points that i feel intuitively are a confusion with # and things I am sure with * But please read it critically and check how it feels for you. That would also be something to comment and then i mean that is natural way of resolving confusion. Don’t just read things and take them for granted. I might sound convincing but you know, I’m only human. One thing is to have something right the other to express it right. Just here I meant that both applies 😉 So this is really a point why commenting is natural and I think many people mean that when they say on youtube leave a comment. But it expresses not the right way.

And yeah it reads very overthinking and the reason for that is that i get confused when I am zoomed in which happens by trying to put bigger pictures into words that also are not complete. So don’t overthink anything. It’s not good vibe 🙂

****************************************************

I was wondering why is it so confusing and irritating when somebody says that.

First of all the question is what else are we if not ourselves. And I can only talk from my perspective, coming from a dysfunctional family from the so called scapegoat role I found myself throughout my life like 50 % myself with other biases and 50 % that role. It is like a constant struggle for me and some situations it is easy to be myself. Then I look back at situations where I stuggled and it’s all clear and I wished I could relived it and done it differently.

The main problem to me seems prejudice and lack of understanding but this way it also gets framed as a helpless situation depending on others. Anyway whoever gives you credit  for just acting a certain way and then 10 seconds later after the two of you said bye being yourself realizing you just acted out something else or enabled. But the situation is more complicated since this enabling. It makes people not connect, the same people that could have a decent conversation when they met  lets say on the beach drinking a beer on a summer evening or especially on holiday *. (not sure though if it is actually a problem)

But lets get to some potential solutions for this.

Well before that I want to clarify – or at least thats how I think it is – that when one is not oneself it doesn’t mean it would be like somebody else#. It is still oneself and the tricky thing about this are emotions and identification. The moment you try to handle emotions and behave reactively which is healthy cause you express yourself, you also identify yourself with this role# (being reactive is not expressive). The main thing that I didn’t and still not fully got , is that disidentification doesn’t mean to disidentify from your feelings and yourself then eventually # (everything is side-effect of expression).

So lets say there is a situation and afterwards you feel angry which is the follow up of being sad (well sometimes anger gets accessable after crying sometimes the other way around # (life not black and white) and it’s important to allow this function of your body to detoxify from otherwise depressing energy * (but also it is side-effect) Usually I would use this anger from this role, identifying myself with it, I mean I already did that prior to that cause I wouldn’t feel like it otherwise# (not using anger, just perceiving differently naturally). An example would be somebody critisizing something about my life that though is not my fault but a result of certain conditioning or past decisions based on that role. At the same time that sounds as if I don’t have any responsibility for my life and that’s the next point. I realized I do have but when I made certain decisions or no decisions I didn’t know I have that which is the actual conditioning. If one behaves angry towards this person one also accepts this as part of ones life which is natural though and needed and things in life never go this and then that, it’s usually something complicated for the mind that is better left to be done intuitively # (Last few sentences is all overthinking and it distracts from feeling) .

Now it’s still helpful to express anger but there a solution for that,  if one tries to force it it won’t work but if it comes up naturally it does work pretty well or has the potential* (work is not the fitting term)

It is about using your anger but then use it for being yourself (not in the sense to achieve this). It is maybe counter-intuitive. It could mean to be actually friendly to a person you don’t like for the reason that this person adresses you as this role and ignores who you are or the two of you are constantly enabling back and forth or it may be a consciously or intuitively abusive person pushing your buttons.

The two reasons why this usually does not work is because the intention may be to be friendly, to get harmony or to get verified as if you wait for this person to finally see you for who you are which is a classic dynamic with parents.

How could one be friendly when you have anger? And the answer is it is not about friendlyness. Friendlyness is just a side-effect of being yourself but it then could become friendlyness cause you don’t view the other person as an enemy anymore*. Lets say you are in a  great mood and then you meet such a person and it can happen that one hides his good mood also cause it already slightly changed maybe. Often times I didn’t know how  to express my anger, if I did it usually made things worse. I felt better but then the dynamic got fed again aswell. That being said there is also a way to speak up and not feed into it, yet this has so many doors that lead back into it.

Other reasons why it may not work is because we may want to bite back so to speak with our good mood but by doing so also feeding into the dynamic.

I remember one day a few years back where this worked, just that I didn’t know what I was doing and I lost touch to it. I remember my brother being very irritated cause he had no food so to speak. I was very chatty and just felt very free and liberated and little self-conscious but mindful, just being intuitively connected to myself and acting out who I am naturally. I usually am not that chatty in family for obvious reaons. And if one tries hard to be like this you add pressure and you actually come from a lower position. But once the anger and rebellious feelings are used to be oneself where one doesn’t try to get verified something happens and that is you get back in touch with who you are*.

Another way this may not work is if the intuition or awareness of who is you is not yet strong enough#(we all have this intuition) or if one gets upset if it doesn’t work, then you may also use the anger on yourself but you always have the option to use it for being yourself # (it is something you can’t try, if you have such on mind it expresses instead) and the reactions can be quite amusing in a liberating way cause some people get completely confused and we tend to be living up to what we started so to speak# (We become what we act out, just that if it is of lower vibe healing is faster if it is overcome).

This way one could even get lost in a situation and then the next moment being yourself without feeling weird about the contrast cause you use rebellious positive or liberating energy -i don’t know how to call it – which is high vibe*. It’s easy to get into the low vibe and we tend to stick in it*. Or one may think it would look fake yet this perception doesn’t arise with this energy behind it*. So it may likely happen that one gets really angry inside which helps to counter fear but on the outside having really good mood or being assertive and at this point the anger already transformed into something else yet still being the foundation* (theory doesn’t really matter what transformed into what). That being said the day I mentioned where this just worked I woke up and felt not angry at all and just kept up the state after waking up.* (It is like crossroads. Once a few things go right it is pretty hard to not be yourself. And if one is not it is not about trying to be yourself instead cause that is a side-effect of anger towards low vibe or such) Yet now I remember that prior to that there was anger that I didn’t feel before. I did express things through singing.

In this “state” it becomes easy to keep up boundaries, or you’ll look forward to do things you enjoyed but maybe lost touch to. Fears also lower, and you feel more protected.

Being selfish/Human Body

I think being selfish is the cells of the human body protecting themselves from further damage not in an egoistical way as we perceive it but with an overall healing in mind. Only when the ability to protect increases it will lead to a different “attitude”.

Part of this protection is causing further damage but there is also being selfish without doing that and it may happen as a side-effect . I’m not sure but I sense it has a tragical touch. If you spin this further you see that healing cells need to learn to protect better by proper perception and patience. They also often get misidentified as hostile which is also tragical causing traumatization on the collective unconscious level.

The ego could be  a protect mechanism on a deeper level.

edit: The question is whether it is healing of a sick body in a dramatical way or if it is just a natural changing process that goes its way anyway or maybe both and without the drama.

Where to take energy from when there is little support

I am not much into physics and this is just a guess but I think there is something to it. Sometimes we are in a situation in life where all we can do is get ourselves out of a mess on our own. Surely there are always options of support.

If we had support in the form of somebody believing in us or generally emotionally supporting us it gets relatively easy to move on. But what for the situations when there is no such support and in fact emotional neglect as in dysfunctional families which increases a depressive state. My guess is that It may appear as if we have to do it on our own but I think we do have another form of energy as our fuel. You could name it reverse support.

And  I think that it is equal to the energy of support. It just needs to be worked with cause otherwise it has a negative effect by causing low belief in oneself and such things. So one would remind oneself of the situations of negative support and then transfer the energy to something like anger.

My overall point is that it can be discouraging to think one would have to do things on your own but the insight that the energy is pretty much the same, even though it takes a different form and different emotions, may help to use this energy properly.

I also think that it is not just anger but also will lead to selflove and selfcare and most importantly to overcome an undermined selfimage. Again I think the main reason for depression in such situations stems from the perception of being lost and having to do things by yourself especially if you compare to other people who may have more support.

So physically the energy of support equals the energy of neglect and where there is energy from outside there is support from outside, just in a different and surely not in straight forward way. I don’t mean to say it was equally easy but there seems to be a way to use that other form of energy as a fuel and overcome the feeling of no support and by that reach a point where you can easier connect to getting support. Accepting the situation seems to be the hardest part but I think there is a lot of light in these circumstances.

Another thing that makes things harder is when the effects of undermining, feeling unloved manifested in our lives in whatever way and by focussing on that it creates a circle. It is a thin line between not ignoring your feelings and protecting yourself from getting sucked up by it.