I feel often we are not kind to ourselves when we know we can do better. But often we also didn’t do better cause our spirit was down and then on top of it sometimes we are not kind to ourselves in such moments or are critical with ourselves which brings us even more down.
This is a double.effect. When our spirit is up we tend to make less mistakes. So be kind to yourself, knowing you could do better but you likely were just down-hearted 🙂
We are expressive beings and surely we could also or do express in such moments, that we are sad or down. It’s just that frustration and such things are better not turned against ourselves through the use of learnt patterns we learnt from others. Surely it expresses but with a different perception emotions could not arise in the first place, resolve or express but not on ourselves but as ourselves.
Then i was thinking that being kind to oneself is more about an inner picture or a perception. A feeling. It’s surely different to when somebody is kind to us.
The beginning is usually the hardest for several reasons. One being that we often do not get immediate results, no quick fix. In order to actually start is helps to become conscious of this feeling and identify the reasons instead of unconsciously procrastinate. In this case it would help to think in long terms, as a journey for example, which is commonly known but for some of us we havn’t learnt to succeed long term. A mindset that may be helpful is: Ok, if i want to *insert what you want* there is no way that I get around making the first step. I know I would at some point make this first step, even if it doesn’t change much in terms of results. So I may aswell do it now, since if I want *this* I know I gotto make exactly this step. It’s like a journey. In order to get to your destination you inevitably need to pass the station that is right after your starting point. Well and if you know you started, if you know the train is moving, this does cause a feeling of calmness. The train moves and we know we will get there, all we gotto focus on is to keep moving and at some point we could be like: Oh, I’m almost there, that was fast.
To take this metapher a little further, we all know sitting in the train and we know oh, it’s such a long drive still and we know we want to get there, the problem is just we want it immediately. Well and then we may get annoyed about it but what happens is, the train keeps moving no matter what and at some point our mood changes to being eased up and looking forward and we realize how enjoyable the journey actually was to the point where we do appreciate it and also realize the actual goal is relative. The moment you reached the first station you reached part of your goal already. For future journeys this means that you will ease up a lot earlier so maybe it’s a good idea to also make learning how to reach a goal another goal, like a combo goal, because then you actually have even more something along the lines of immediate results after the first step.
That being said, I actually don’t like to have goals and then trying to consciously get to that. I orefer to have a feeling of going in the right direction. Also because it adds too much trying hard energy which is conflicting with many things that benefit to getting “there”. Just with some things the rational goal approach works best. For example cleaning ones place, that’s a direct goal whereas finding love is something if you force it, I mean actually one can’t really say this or that, it’s a mix. I guess what I’m trying to say is having a clear goal doesn’t have to come with constraintful energy. And this “have to goal attitude” also usually involves a selfperception of not good enough until goal reached which is counter-productive cause you don’t acknowledge the reasons for the current situation. Another thing is if I plan things too much I feel like I’m spoiling things, and it seems less alive then. I like to keep the goal vague, kinda defined, yet rather feeling it and allowing the way towards it to not be something of less quality than if it is reached. Well and then of course it’s never that linear.
Feeling wise I just recently realized what determination actually is and how it differs from discipline yet discipline in itself isn’t just low vibe. To me it is important to express myself and discipline may be also one way to do that for very individual reasons. Usually discipline though can be rather impressing.
This can take the form of giving you tipps/appearing to help you, while being critisizing or not genuinely concerned.
Tipps about something that would be part of your way so you would end up not doing it.
A solution to this is to see it for what it is, although it could be just a side-effect of another thing they do. The assertive mantra for this could be: “That’s exactly what I’m gonna do.” It may not be exactly the same thing.
Let’s look at what’s going on here statewise: They are poisening the well so to speak. They are wrapping your goals with their scent so you would not go for it. Doing it would have an adjusted childstate frame, which you would rebel against then.
The energy of rebelling may still useful, to take their frame away but it also comes with disadvantages.