Meaning of words (3): hate

In Russian to hate means nenavidit, which means something like “not see”, something you don’t want to see, detest, can’t stand, can’t abide. I also think it relates to not having a connection to oneself, like numbness where there would be anger, or it is because of not having the connection to one’s feelings. So hate can also be good anger or something like an easy feeling of something you just can’t stand but you don’t bother much about it cause you keep it far away anyway. It surely is also connected to what you love. It can be destructive when the connection is not good or the other side takes it too personal maybe, but can be a start to feeling oneself or anger it rather is, I’m not sure. You could literally shout “I hate to not feel myself” or “I’m sick of not feeling myself” maybe with a guitar to give a soundarea to carry it more. Kinda like thunder and lightning. I mean you could start quiet and just let things come up and if you were not feeling yourself, it should get more intense and then there should be relief, like the rain afterwards (crying), when the thunder stops. Kinda just an allowing thing. And there should be more of a sunny day then. I mean this is very basic cause there is many things to feel about but I think it applies a lot and is generally something to feel about.

 

edit: This particular expression might actually not be good in the sense it could land on oneself but I’m not sure.

edit: I think it is better to be sick of something that you’re just sick of without kinda being the same way about it (editedit: being sick of something also has some biases (frames around it), and in itself it also hinders anger actually I feel but it’s like part of something, I mean it’s nothing to overthink anyway). What I’m trying to get it is this mad feeling that can be attached to hating. Its a bit overserious cause there is always humour also but not about feelings of course. I really think this expression actually might not be so good. Very often we hinder ourselves to just feel how we feel and then it doesn’t have the relieving effect. You might actually have more empathy when you not be like Oh I can’t really feel this cause I can understand it, when you’re just really sick of something and it’s just about feeling it. But it’s nothing to do with not having understanding or opposing this.

Another thought that came to my mind is that anger/hate is connected to hurt also for there to be relief cause it feels bitter otherwise. It actually is a thing of love, I don’t really know how it works and truly, love also heals in itself. Something of love to feel and I did it with singing, shouting cause it’s often not possible to do in relationships without the dynamic bringing something back that would hinder relief. Afterwards I sounded clear again and it was surely also healing through singing then.

So there seems to be two kinds of hate but probably depends on how much it is connected to feelings of hurt and love which gives it a higher vibe. We don’t really feel things when we vibe low.

edit: I get now why I felt the expression would land on oneself. Because by writing about it, it became like a recipe. Therefore the things I wrote about feelings are true and good, but there is plenty of overthinking in it that makes it harder to feel plus the lack of a more human way of writing where you could really relate. Frankly speaking this is something like a personal struggle because I did feel really good after expressing feelings with music and somehow I got a bit into trying to get there again which is pretty bad especially cause it implies not wanting to do any of that cause it wouldn’t “work”. It’s actually a pretty common theme these days, this recipe way of going about things. Lots of true things are said but it doesn’t really reach. I’ll rewrite this one when I find the time.

 

 

Advertisements

Being offended

Somebody devalueing something human. In a way it’s like it doesn’t even work/count because the elephant in the room, the person is human too.

And it’s the same with truth. Which is of high vibe and we tend to low vibe defend it and lower its value such way.

(Now, things like that are also based on something human that could be perceived or not. So, in that sense, is there even any devalueing or is it some unconscious irony or something of that nature as if the person is saying of course I’m not doing any of that (I mean at the same time as of the expression of feelings), but being too lost or something like that. As if the actual communication is very different and we don’t really perceive reality.

I mean, I like this idea because it feels easygoing which doesn’t contrast with the hurt we feel but rather prevents it to some degree potentially. I mean I’m feeling these 2 things: 1 is something like a friendly absurdity expressing: Hey, that doesn’t even work dumbass. Like something hilarious or it could be kind too or whatever else. And the other is something serious based on the feelings involved.)

 

Music and Practising it

Making a mis-take playing music …The reason to play something again is not to play the tune perfect as in having to play it perfect. Because that is hilariously absurd (apart from there being a real reason also for such ways). It is simply to stay in touch with the feeling you either want to express through the music “or” the feeling of a tune overall.

The same is true for practice. It is just naturally motivated by wanting to feel how it feels. Surely there are other “ways” or maybe wanting to practise technique to have a flowing experience or to later then “be more expressively”.

Thing is if you want to feel how it feels you get creative technically and how to practise it. But if you force yourself, you don’t even feel why you wanted to play it in the first place. So the pure performance focus becomes absurd cause it distracts.