Overcoming the Scapegoat Role

You probably know the feeling of being irritated about what is me and what is this role. What are my real insecurities and what is just something that isn’t really real.

From experience I can say that the biggest reason for suffering is actually to confuse yourself with such role because it brings you away from yourself. And this is also where fears come in, fear of confusing yourself. Often we do not even realize this fear.

How can it be that at times we are confident and feel like we can handle things and other times we lose belief in ourselves?

It must also be about perception.

So in this post I want to give a bit Inspiration towards staying more with oneself. I’m not saying this is always working but it can help creating a better feeling for yourself from which you have a more realitical perception.

The idea is to act the role or to come from a mindset of such.

But first a not literal quote about acting: ” A bad actor trying to act a drunk tries to talk and walk drunk. A good actor knows a drunk tries to talk and walk straight.”

What that means for this role which really has plenty of negative perceptions one may not be aware of – is to be a bad actor for this role. We are really good at acting it. We enable, we defend cause we react to emotions. So the idea is to feel differently about it through perception. And a good disidentification exercise is to be a bad actor with this role.

Which simply means instead of trying to move on or feel more confident or self- aware (walking straight) one would actually try the opposite 🙂 And by doing so you create an effect of connecting more to yourself.

It reminds me of school when I was to present something AFTER somebody,  I was the 2nd guy, the person being very nervous. And i wondered why did that make me confident? Did I feed off the person I wondered but now I know. I realized how absurd it was to be nervous cause of the perception from the pov of the audience and the realistiical perception of the audience. I realized her reasons for being nervous and I saw nothing real about it. That’s why it was easy for me afterwards. It brought me closer to myself. She did the disidentification for me and I was pretty much observing myself when confusing myself with somebody.

But this also means we still are ourselves when we act this out. It’s not really confusing yourself with someone. It’s just the perceptions.

But it can lead to further disidentification from yourself if you try to act it poorly while feeling it cause something may have triggered you. Yet just the thought of it can help to make a switch in your perception and it can lead to being amused or assertive. A tricky thing could be to not feel as if you would parodize yourself. The focus is on liberation from a perception.

You could also observe somebody how he looks at you the old way and let go of the need to proof yourself or to show who you are cause that’s like trying to walk straight. It creates boundaries so buttons don’t get pushed.

Or it can be applied for other situations. If you try to find a job and there are no other reasons and you actually would just like to have one but for some reason it doesn’t work, it may be because you try to walk straight and that’s what our environment also suggests. Especially family treats one as if we would be dumb or such and they act as if it’s a wonder if we would improve in something they see us struggeling with, all the while not realizing (or actually being aware) that this frames the role. But surely there are other reasons. The functioning of the family is based on a distorted perception of the scapegoat so it is biased and pointless to try to reach family. Yet if one steps aside it may lead to a better functionng afterwards or at least to the person in the scapegoat role getting on with their life.

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Where to take energy from when there is little support

I am not much into physics and this is just a guess but I think there is something to it. Sometimes we are in a situation in life where all we can do is get ourselves out of a mess on our own. Surely there are always options of support.

If we had support in the form of somebody believing in us or generally emotionally supporting us it gets relatively easy to move on. But what for the situations when there is no such support and in fact emotional neglect as in dysfunctional families which increases a depressive state. My guess is that It may appear as if we have to do it on our own but I think we do have another form of energy as our fuel. You could name it reverse support.

And  I think that it is equal to the energy of support. It just needs to be worked with cause otherwise it has a negative effect by causing low belief in oneself and such things. So one would remind oneself of the situations of negative support and then transfer the energy to something like anger.

My overall point is that it can be discouraging to think one would have to do things on your own but the insight that the energy is pretty much the same, even though it takes a different form and different emotions, may help to use this energy properly.

I also think that it is not just anger but also will lead to selflove and selfcare and most importantly to overcome an undermined selfimage. Again I think the main reason for depression in such situations stems from the perception of being lost and having to do things by yourself especially if you compare to other people who may have more support.

So physically the energy of support equals the energy of neglect and where there is energy from outside there is support from outside, just in a different and surely not in straight forward way. I don’t mean to say it was equally easy but there seems to be a way to use that other form of energy as a fuel and overcome the feeling of no support and by that reach a point where you can easier connect to getting support. Accepting the situation seems to be the hardest part but I think there is a lot of light in these circumstances.

Another thing that makes things harder is when the effects of undermining, feeling unloved manifested in our lives in whatever way and by focussing on that it creates a circle. It is a thin line between not ignoring your feelings and protecting yourself from getting sucked up by it.

Being stuck

I was waking up the other day when a bee tried to get out in the open again and her buzzes kept me awake. I stayed in bed hoping it would find the exit but it just flew against the window pane over and over again.

Then I was thinking how this is exactly how one could get stuck in life. When you try over and over the same thing. But the main part is the frustration from in this case not finding the exit and from the overall established situation.

And the only way it seems to change something about that is to let go of the distress and just fly out and never look back. Or especially through letting go you then have enough space in your sight to even see the opportunites.

The trappy thing about such a situation – being stuck in life – are the emotions. It’s not good to ignore them or act as if everything is just fine, yet being angry and frustrated also doesn’t work, or it depends, expressing emotions is never a bad idea, yet it could reconfirm something that keeps one stuck.

The bee seemed frustrated. Only after she stopped trying the old way she must have found the gap. And once she was out she likely didn’t care much.

But imagine she would have stayed in this position for quite a while, she would probably identified itself with it which is rather a metapher.

So as for such situations it seems that letting go of emotions that reconfirm a self-fulfilling selfimage is the key but the way it is done is through insight and not self-critically or such, just knowing that one did it the wrong way and that was why things didn’t got better and then trusting into a change and through this letting go of frustration.

It’s like you walked down the wrong road and it’s pointless to walk back or on and you can only leave that road.

Another thing that comes with it is the way our realtionships established during such times. And one probably feels the need to stay consistent and how would that look if you would just be like someone else almost or actually just the way one is which is easy to lose touch to. Here i think the best thing one could do is to simply be oneself and never bother to explain yourself or wait for confirmation or such or try to figure out what others may think now and by doing this not getting back on the old road.

One’s literally gotto to leave the whole situation with all that came with it – including ways of looking at life -at the future, the past and all the comforting things about it also. And the main tricky thing is to not leave yourself in such situation behind and walk on empty. It’s all in the way one lets go. It “should” be almost playful or refreshed and calm and not trying hard but it is also possible to try hard not to try hard 😉 which is why i don’t like the word should, I just don’t know any better way to phrase it. Yet a fighting attitude may be reasonable aswell.

The moment I wanted to help out the bee by wanting to open the window it was already flewn out but that probably doesn’t mean much, yet i like this as a metapher aswell. Another one would be how peaceful it flies once out  compared to the tilted attitude before. Yet it was the same bee.