Misunderstandings when communicating through writing

Every now and then I come across things that just appear in other ways than I meant them, so I want to write about one of those things.

I just give you the text. It was on a video about Minecraft:

“And haha 🙂 I built trees like that too, I thought it was bad. I mean mine looked worse.”

There is obviously no way that you could possibly misunderstand it you might think because my attitude is clearly friendly. But it is not about that but actually about that it would be very offsetting if it was misunderstood beCause of this friendly attitude. And in this case I was just saying (earlier in this comment) what I didn’t like about a detail that he put. He put some stairs as a detail in the way and to me it just looked like holes and that you could stumble, clearly nothing rough, I just said it, that I felt that he not even like it himself or maybe it’s just me.

So with that in mind all of a sudden it appears as if I could have meant that I thought the tree he built was bad and that mine looked worse though. Which is not a problem if I really thought so, you know what I mean but there is no way that I would critisize it such way.

So ok, I put brackets, but I put it after “I thought it was bad”

( I mean the one I built of course :), ehh I mean I then saw it was alright…just rechecked how it could be misunderstood)

Looks quite messy but it makes sense that I wanted to make sure…

There is another detail I realized I need to put and that is “by that” because otherwise it could mean something else.

( I mean the one I built of course :), ehh by that I mean I then saw it was alright…just rechecked how it could be misunderstood)

But then I figured it is not in the right order because it also looks like what am I up to and potentially as if I added “mine looks worse” after the brackets. But it was before,

So I put it after it:

“And haha 🙂 I built trees like that too, I thought it was bad. I mean mine looked worse.” …but now it wouldn’t relate back to the 2nd sentence.

So I had to add another detail:

“And haha 🙂 I built trees like that too, I thought it was bad. I mean mine looked worse.” ( I thought it was bad = I mean the one I built of course :), ehh by that I mean I then saw it was alright…just rechecked how it could be misunderstood)

I also “had” to put a smile because it reads frustrated otherwise. The smile just stands for not frustrated. I mean, I felt a light frustration or annoyance. This is another detail:

I mean, I felt a light frustration or annoyance.

vs

I mean I felt a light frustration or annoyance. (no comma)

One is explaining something I said before as in “I mean, that…”, the other is not. I wasn’t explaining anything I meant prior. I mean it has a dumbing down notion because everything is usually clear out of the context which is like a nonzoomed clear view or feel ( I just meant to say, that the other is zoomed in, not explain something everyone knows). I just didn’t put a comma for example. It’s whatever in most cases, but sometimes I get the feel that things look different than I meant it and yeah 🙂

Then expressed that it’s no big deal with “just rechecked how it could be misunderstood” because it isn’t. There is no complications, it just resolves. And the smile actually stands for “not frustrated” as a primary thing but it expresses also something else of a direct meaning of it.

The only problem is that it took the place of how I actually felt, while I feel atst you can dismiss all the other and only see what is is.

Now I might have found a different way to say it, but you know 🙂

So yeah I came across a few of these things and it’s good to realize, atst also good to stay calm about it if it was an email, that you can’t edit. You can always clear it up later or when you keep your page, it naturally contrasts usually with a misunderstanding. That would be a reason to not worry, ideally you’re just completely innocent and just don’t know anything else. When in doubt, just never worry, the vibe of it will ruin things and otherwise God can help so to speak. But of course you need to know that for sure, not withhold worries. I guess that is what is faith also. You just know you’re good or you are relieved to not do something that certainly will 1. not make it good 2. make it worse. We need to see that. I mean that’s actually not the real reason why to stay calm (and who knows sometimes it might need doing something about it, yet calmly), I mean it is a very good one, just might feel a little helpless. There often is simply no need to worry. Just like you might strike up talking about work in a romance situation (which isn’t necc. a bad thing), well then you just let it fade out and start with something new as it often already presents itself. There is no need to try to maneuver it hecticly.

In case it is confusing. By his way of building I realized the tree I was trying to build was actually not as bad as I thought. And I could have put it this way, but you see I like to write maybe a more personal way Idk how to say. It usually is something, when you know each other, you know how it is meant, which is the big freedom of being friends. You can say all the stuff that otherwise often gets misunderstood.

 

 

 

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Subtle Gut Feeling

When what you want to say is obvious and you went like.. example: I just imagined I built this in uhm I built this in (Survival) it doesn’t feel like you actually still want to say it but would move on. Besides comfortable “it cud also be” something playful, teasing. It’s based on knowing the other one got it. It’s got something to do with sensing how it feels if you said it.

Don’t take it personal

 

“Don’t take it personal”….” You wouldn’t say that if you didn’t mean it.” (it actually doesn’t mean, that the person meant it, but somebody who didn’t mean it, wouldn’t say such a thing)

This is btw the original thought behind my blog, 1 liners to express intuition/truth and assert things.

I was watching a Russian movie from the 70ies and somebody said with dignity, feeling slightly offended: “Don’t generalise it. pause Mine is an individual case.”, and they were friends, so he tries to reach him there. And I was imagening the other guy would reply : I didn’t mean to offend you, or don’t take it personal..and it felt really off to say these weird meta things.

I mean, apart from really meaning something like, I didn’t mean to offend you, apart from that, I feel it narrows life, like pushing pause. And then it appeared to me, that somebody who didn’t mean it personal would never say a thing like Don’t take it personal. I’m not saying there is an intention but you know…It’s really strange to say this stuff.

Overall I feel it’s a good idea to know what not to say and how not to say something. There was this other scene in a movie. Somebody was eating and the other person suggested to take some bread with it. He replied: Let me finish what I have first.

Sometimes we are focussed on how to say something which often comes with a ghostwritten thing about it, when it shud be about the expression, meaning no selfconsciousness. For some things we often have intonation habbits that communicate a tone that we might not even mean to communicate. So because of that, it would be good to know how not to say something, and the rest might just go by itself.

As for the above reply, in this specific situation the character says it non-asking, non-threatening, nonaggressive in general, nonpleasing and not trying to be assertive or lets say you could say that. And it was something I could relate to without meaning this in a repressive or definite sense. It simply comes from how you feel or how the the situation and said things are perceived, mostly it’s in the perception but it can be approached reverse by getting in touch with how not to say it.

But instead of that there might be fear of not saying it like that plus fear of saying it another way which causes not saying it the actual way. Very often there is fear underneath, and the question really is what the heck is the fear about and I think it is this.

The antidot for this, apart from meeting somebody who reminds one of who one is,  could be something like training in a calm moment or inspiration through life, also experiencing oneself expressing things with a different intonation, through imaginations that just come up, seeing how it feels (or acting, singing, ideally something natural, there isn’t really an intention, it’s something that’s enjoyable to do). But there is no goal to say it a certain way, that is actually just the point I’m trying to make. It’s an inspiration to connect back cause we always are already, everything is always there.

The moment you get in touch with the right intonation you give room for memories to come back to resolve situations from the past but only if there is real energy behind it or it would be impressive. Overall when things work they just work and there is not a lot of thinking. After all there is worlds between being and being self-conscious like a window that a bee tries to get through. It looks real but it feels different and once the bee found the gap, it just flies.

And we only try to say things a certain way because of this fear, or whatever it is , that causes to not say it the right way. It’s like a negative circle, like a layer.

Justifying or explaining oneself

I don’t really get why this has such a negative frame. And maybe it is because of guilt or a defensive behaviour. Or maybe it is the case that the intention isn’t even to justify. Maybe the intention was to put right or to show something in a connecting way. But somehow it got mischanneled, something like a automatic expression.

I remember situations when I felt really good after putting something right, where  at first I felt like I better don’t justify but interestingly I didn’t even want to do any of that. So it’s quite funny. It’s like not wanting to do something you didn’t mean to do in the first place but by not doing so you also overgo the actual thing.

It feels really good to express what one meant, it’s got a certain energy and it’s just good 🙂 because otherwise misunderstandings just fucking can take up space and you know. To me the bad image of justifying which probably also has a good meaning, to me it’s got something repressive. You could really express things with good vibe.

Actually I remember a little situation from today. I was printing out some things at a store and I asked how to make multiple copies and the guy (idiot) said I would have to push a button. To which I reacted with Oh really and that already felt off. So he acted like it’s fucking obvious I would have to push a number simply. But it’s not fucking obvious because you could also have to push some menu button first. So he went back to his corner leaving me feeling a little bit stupid so I took a moment to listen inside and then said But it’s not that it was obvious! slightly jokingly and he went like No problem kinda excusingly.

You gotto know, I live in a place where there tons of these fucking doublebinds and I’m so fucking sick of it.

So, sometimes there is surely such a thing as justifying and sometimes something else gets framed the same way I feel.

There seems to be more to it but I can’t put my finger on it.

 

 

Misunderstandings often clear up by themselves

It feels like the need or the trying to clear something up is often only cause of the belief that it would be the way. Because we don’t know that if we just stay on our page it will clear up by itself. By the lack of the other and by it in itself. Not that it really matters, it’s like inclusive.

 

Listening to somebody

I was listening to 2 youtube videos at once and realized there is no need for close attention. I listen anyway unless my attention is elsewhere or I’m expressing desinterest.

Listening happens by remembering sound, key words, information something that interests you, just like reading music. And I don’t mean social interaction where it is not only about making a point.

Like somebody says a whole sentence and then naturally you pick up the whole thing but not word by word. Just as much as you need to get it. Yet there is no extra effort to get the point. You let it echo so to speak.

That means you dont have to listen, but you just hear, there is no need for close attention.

It is always about getting the point, that should be in any interest of a speaker
and a speaker should be happy when point is gotten and not care about exact words or demand attention.

Each speaker only “makes listen” to convey his point. That is the balance for listening to somebody. By balance i mean he shouldn’t be able to demand attention cause he would never admit it would not be about making a point.

Once one seems desinterested, it’s only cause he makes no point or already made it or it is already obvious. So, interrupting is not impolite, how absurd it wud be. Only if one acts/feels like one was impolite (nonrealistic perception), it gives new material to demand attention.

Playfulness 1

I’m gonna write more about these little inspirations when communicating. What it does is it deals with energy and creates a pleasant vibe and is also assertive or quickwitted.

So this technique and I guess you could call it like that is inspired by a youtube videogame uhm video.

One guy mentions playfully something like: “It lacks splatter. That would be nice if you could see in the falling animation..*goes a bit more into detail*

Other guy replies: “Ohh. That’s lovely. “short pause” Because that is exactly what people want to see.”

Now the way he says it is dry humour, as if he replies to something lovely. There is no sharp vibe of sarcasm. Just smooth playful irony. Sure people may actually want to see  that so there is a bit of sarcasm in it but then you can’t tell for sure what he thinks about it. And it’s got that random thing to say touch.

Now you could use that when somebody mentions something harsh, cruel or such to maybe intimidate without being playful, to neutralize such vibe.

It’s fun and refreshing to act and it adds surprise, variety and elements of aliveness to maybe repetitive communication patterns.