This is inspired by poker where you not only play your hand but other possible holdings.
The way it translates to life is that sometimes we do something that we think might look weird. For example standing somewhere which isn’t particulrly weird but the reason why we do it might be something we don’t want to communicate, which we do though when we think of it or try not to, which is just a layer of that. Now it is not about lieing to oneself but instead actually not searching for another possible reason for what you do but just knowing that there is one. And then you might get curious what it could be and it is fun also.
It is not the case that an action is in itself because what we really do is the action. So there is no standing around pretty much but either waiting or relaxing or whatever it is or well standing around maybe. So this idea is about to leave it open not to replace your actual thing you are doing but just leaving it open which sometimes just feels better when one isn’t so readable. It is better boundaries.
I mean actually I got inspired for this with regards to something that could be misunderstood because otherwise there is rarely much of a deal about things. I mean sometimes there is just situations where it feels really good to feel like at home.
I was listening to 2 youtube videos at once and realized there is no need for close attention. I listen anyway unless my attention is elsewhere or I’m expressing desinterest.
Listening happens by remembering sound, key words, information something that interests you, just like reading music. And I don’t mean social interaction where it is not only about making a point.
Like somebody says a whole sentence and then naturally you pick up the whole thing but not word by word. Just as much as you need to get it. Yet there is no extra effort to get the point. You let it echo so to speak.
That means you dont have to listen, but you just hear, there is no need for close attention.
It is always about getting the point, that should be in any interest of a speaker
and a speaker should be happy when point is gotten and not care about exact words or demand attention.
Each speaker only “makes listen” to convey his point. That is the balance for listening to somebody. By balance i mean he shouldn’t be able to demand attention cause he would never admit it would not be about making a point.
Once one seems desinterested, it’s only cause he makes no point or already made it or it is already obvious. So, interrupting is not impolite, how absurd it wud be. Only if one acts/feels like one was impolite (nonrealistic perception), it gives new material to demand attention.
I’m gonna write more about these little inspirations when communicating. What it does is it deals with energy and creates a pleasant vibe and is also assertive or quickwitted.
So this technique and I guess you could call it like that is inspired by a youtube videogame uhm video.
One guy mentions playfully something like: “It lacks splatter. That would be nice if you could see in the falling animation..*goes a bit more into detail*
Other guy replies: “Ohh. That’s lovely. “short pause” Because that is exactly what people want to see.”
Now the way he says it is dry humour, as if he replies to something lovely. There is no sharp vibe of sarcasm. Just smooth playful irony. Sure people may actually want to see that so there is a bit of sarcasm in it but then you can’t tell for sure what he thinks about it. And it’s got that random thing to say touch.
Now you could use that when somebody mentions something harsh, cruel or such to maybe intimidate without being playful, to neutralize such vibe.
It’s fun and refreshing to act and it adds surprise, variety and elements of aliveness to maybe repetitive communication patterns.
When you are talking to somebody it is like music. When we are relaxed our conversations tend to be more in rhythm.
Let me show you what I mean by taking a situation of “saying no”.
“Have you repaired the lamp?” (intonation critical, already sensing it isn’t repaired and going for a “got ya game”, see Eric Berne “Games people play”, provoking a justification, or just being angry about it not being repaired yet whatever the details)
To not justify you can use rhythm. Let’s say you reply: “No, I still got to do this.”
The words in itself could take any form through the intonation from annoyed, justifying, excusing, assertively and so on. But it’s not only about the intonation but also the rhythm.
It’s like the question was a snaredrum before the song ends and the “No” would be the last part of the song as you often see in live music when the whole band ends on the same beat. This would be a way to use rhythm to make a no more powerful or to work with the energy. As for this situation I don’t mean saying it over the top but definitely connected and something like subtly more emphasized, you know haha but yeah that is my picture and my idea is not about faking but about self-expression although it could also be done playfully I guess.
Then you could leave a pause and add “unaffectedly” -since you ended it with the No – “I still got to do it.”