When what you want to say is obvious and you went like.. example: I just imagined I built this in uhm I built this in (Survival) it doesn’t feel like you actually still want to say it but would move on. Besides comfortable “it cud also be” something playful, teasing. It’s based on knowing the other one got it. It’s got something to do with sensing how it feels if you said it.
“Don’t take it personal”….” You wouldn’t say that if you didn’t mean it.” (it actually doesn’t mean, that the person meant it, but somebody who didn’t mean it, wouldn’t say such a thing)
This is btw the original thought behind my blog, 1 liners to express intuition/truth and assert things.
I was watching a Russian movie from the 70ies and somebody said with dignity, feeling slightly offended: “Don’t generalise it. pause Mine is an individual case.”, and they were friends, so he tries to reach him there. And I was imagening the other guy would reply : I didn’t mean to offend you, or don’t take it personal..and it felt really off to say these weird meta things.
I mean, apart from really meaning something like, I didn’t mean to offend you, apart from that, I feel it narrows life, like pushing pause. And then it appeared to me, that somebody who didn’t mean it personal would never say a thing like Don’t take it personal. I’m not saying there is an intention but you know…It’s really strange to say this stuff.
Overall I feel it’s a good idea to know what not to say and how not to say something. There was this other scene in a movie. Somebody was eating and the other person suggested to take some bread with it. He replied: Let me finish what I have first.
Sometimes we are focussed on how to say something which often comes with a ghostwritten thing about it, when it shud be about the expression, meaning no selfconsciousness. For some things we often have intonation habbits that communicate a tone that we might not even mean to communicate. So because of that, it would be good to know how not to say something, and the rest might just go by itself.
As for the above reply, in this specific situation the character says it non-asking, non-threatening, nonaggressive in general, nonpleasing and not trying to be assertive or lets say you could say that. And it was something I could relate to without meaning this in a repressive or definite sense. It simply comes from how you feel or how the the situation and said things are perceived, mostly it’s in the perception but it can be approached reverse by getting in touch with how not to say it.
But instead of that there might be fear of not saying it like that plus fear of saying it another way which causes not saying it the actual way. Very often there is fear underneath, and the question really is what the heck is the fear about and I think it is this.
The antidot for this, apart from meeting somebody who reminds one of who one is, could be something like training in a calm moment or inspiration through life, also experiencing oneself expressing things with a different intonation, through imaginations that just come up, seeing how it feels (or acting, singing, ideally something natural, there isn’t really an intention, it’s something that’s enjoyable to do). But there is no goal to say it a certain way, that is actually just the point I’m trying to make. It’s an inspiration to connect back cause we always are already, everything is always there.
The moment you get in touch with the right intonation you give room for memories to come back to resolve situations from the past but only if there is real energy behind it or it would be impressive. Overall when things work they just work and there is not a lot of thinking. After all there is worlds between being and being self-conscious like a window that a bee tries to get through. It looks real but it feels different and once the bee found the gap, it just flies.
And we only try to say things a certain way because of this fear, or whatever it is , that causes to not say it the right way. It’s like a negative circle, like a layer.
I don’t really get why this has such a negative frame. And maybe it is because of guilt or a defensive behaviour. Or maybe it is the case that the intention isn’t even to justify. Maybe the intention was to put right or to show something in a connecting way. But somehow it got mischanneled, something like a automatic expression.
I remember situations when I felt really good after putting something right, where at first I felt like I better don’t justify but interestingly I didn’t even want to do any of that. So it’s quite funny. It’s like not wanting to do something you didn’t mean to do in the first place but by not doing so you also overgo the actual thing.
It feels really good to express what one meant, it’s got a certain energy and it’s just good 🙂 because otherwise misunderstandings just fucking can take up space and you know. To me the bad image of justifying which probably also has a good meaning, to me it’s got something repressive. You could really express things with good vibe.
Actually I remember a little situation from today. I was printing out some things at a store and I asked how to make multiple copies and the guy (idiot) said I would have to push a button. To which I reacted with Oh really and that already felt off. So he acted like it’s fucking obvious I would have to push a number simply. But it’s not fucking obvious because you could also have to push some menu button first. So he went back to his corner leaving me feeling a little bit stupid so I took a moment to listen inside and then said But it’s not that it was obvious! slightly jokingly and he went like No problem kinda excusingly.
You gotto know, I live in a place where there tons of these fucking doublebinds and I’m so fucking sick of it.
So, sometimes there is surely such a thing as justifying and sometimes something else gets framed the same way I feel.
There seems to be more to it but I can’t put my finger on it.
It feels like the need or the trying to clear something up is often only cause of the belief that it would be the way. Because we don’t know that if we just stay on our page it will clear up by itself. By the lack of the other and by it in itself. Not that it really matters, it’s like inclusive.
I was listening to 2 youtube videos at once and realized there is no need for close attention. I listen anyway unless my attention is elsewhere or I’m expressing desinterest.
Listening happens by remembering sound, key words, information something that interests you, just like reading music. And I don’t mean social interaction where it is not only about making a point.
Like somebody says a whole sentence and then naturally you pick up the whole thing but not word by word. Just as much as you need to get it. Yet there is no extra effort to get the point. You let it echo so to speak.
That means you dont have to listen, but you just hear, there is no need for close attention.
It is always about getting the point, that should be in any interest of a speaker
and a speaker should be happy when point is gotten and not care about exact words or demand attention.
Each speaker only “makes listen” to convey his point. That is the balance for listening to somebody. By balance i mean he shouldn’t be able to demand attention cause he would never admit it would not be about making a point.
Once one seems desinterested, it’s only cause he makes no point or already made it or it is already obvious. So, interrupting is not impolite, how absurd it wud be. Only if one acts/feels like one was impolite (nonrealistic perception), it gives new material to demand attention.
I’m gonna write more about these little inspirations when communicating. What it does is it deals with energy and creates a pleasant vibe and is also assertive or quickwitted.
So this technique and I guess you could call it like that is inspired by a youtube videogame uhm video.
One guy mentions playfully something like: “It lacks splatter. That would be nice if you could see in the falling animation..*goes a bit more into detail*
Other guy replies: “Ohh. That’s lovely. “short pause” Because that is exactly what people want to see.”
Now the way he says it is dry humour, as if he replies to something lovely. There is no sharp vibe of sarcasm. Just smooth playful irony. Sure people may actually want to see that so there is a bit of sarcasm in it but then you can’t tell for sure what he thinks about it. And it’s got that random thing to say touch.
Now you could use that when somebody mentions something harsh, cruel or such to maybe intimidate without being playful, to neutralize such vibe.
It’s fun and refreshing to act and it adds surprise, variety and elements of aliveness to maybe repetitive communication patterns.
When you are talking to somebody it is like music. When we are relaxed our conversations tend to be more in rhythm.
Let me show you what I mean by taking a situation of “saying no”.
“Have you repaired the lamp?” (intonation critical, already sensing it isn’t repaired and going for a “got ya game”, see Eric Berne “Games people play”, provoking a justification, or just being angry about it not being repaired yet whatever the details)
To not justify you can use rhythm. Let’s say you reply: “No, I still got to do this.”
The words in itself could take any form through the intonation from annoyed, justifying, excusing, assertively and so on. But it’s not only about the intonation but also the rhythm.
It’s like the question was a snaredrum before the song ends and the “No” would be the last part of the song as you often see in live music when the whole band ends on the same beat. This would be a way to use rhythm to make a no more powerful or to work with the energy. As for this situation I don’t mean saying it over the top but definitely connected and something like subtly more emphasized, you know haha but yeah that is my picture and my idea is not about faking but about self-expression although it could also be done playfully I guess.
Then you could leave a pause and add “unaffectedly” -since you ended it with the No – “I still got to do it.”