You probably know the feeling of being irritated about what is me and what is this role. What are my real insecurities and what is just something that isn’t really real.
From experience I can say that the biggest reason for suffering is actually to confuse yourself with such role because it brings you away from yourself. And this is also where fears come in, fear of confusing yourself. Often we do not even realize this fear.
How can it be that at times we are confident and feel like we can handle things and other times we lose belief in ourselves?
It must also be about perception.
So in this post I want to give a bit Inspiration towards staying more with oneself. I’m not saying this is always working but it can help creating a better feeling for yourself from which you have a more realitical perception.
The idea is to act the role or to come from a mindset of such.
But first a not literal quote about acting: ” A bad actor trying to act a drunk tries to talk and walk drunk. A good actor knows a drunk tries to talk and walk straight.”
What that means for this role which really has plenty of negative perceptions one may not be aware of – is to be a bad actor for this role. We are really good at acting it. We enable, we defend cause we react to emotions. So the idea is to feel differently about it through perception. And a good disidentification exercise is to be a bad actor with this role.
Which simply means instead of trying to move on or feel more confident or self- aware (walking straight) one would actually try the opposite 🙂 And by doing so you create an effect of connecting more to yourself.
It reminds me of school when I was to present something AFTER somebody, I was the 2nd guy, the person being very nervous. And i wondered why did that make me confident? Did I feed off the person I wondered but now I know. I realized how absurd it was to be nervous cause of the perception from the pov of the audience and the realistiical perception of the audience. I realized her reasons for being nervous and I saw nothing real about it. That’s why it was easy for me afterwards. It brought me closer to myself. She did the disidentification for me and I was pretty much observing myself when confusing myself with somebody.
But this also means we still are ourselves when we act this out. It’s not really confusing yourself with someone. It’s just the perceptions.
But it can lead to further disidentification from yourself if you try to act it poorly while feeling it cause something may have triggered you. Yet just the thought of it can help to make a switch in your perception and it can lead to being amused or assertive. A tricky thing could be to not feel as if you would parodize yourself. The focus is on liberation from a perception.
You could also observe somebody how he looks at you the old way and let go of the need to proof yourself or to show who you are cause that’s like trying to walk straight. It creates boundaries so buttons don’t get pushed.
Or it can be applied for other situations. If you try to find a job and there are no other reasons and you actually would just like to have one but for some reason it doesn’t work, it may be because you try to walk straight and that’s what our environment also suggests. Especially family treats one as if we would be dumb or such and they act as if it’s a wonder if we would improve in something they see us struggeling with, all the while not realizing (or actually being aware) that this frames the role. But surely there are other reasons. The functioning of the family is based on a distorted perception of the scapegoat so it is biased and pointless to try to reach family. Yet if one steps aside it may lead to a better functionng afterwards or at least to the person in the scapegoat role getting on with their life.