Vibe

Sometimes you just gotto look at things from the vibe perspective.

There were people having a fun time in the yard  where I live. It was late around 1 am. They were enjoying themselves (good vibe), laughing but not about someone you could hear (meh vibe) like ridicule.

Then somebody shouted from a window and shut them up and it was quiet then, as if he casted a spell, I mean you could look at it like that. But it was no peaceful silence, rather a dead one, where there has just been something alive.

Now I wonder is it really about silence that you need to be able to sleep (better). Isn’t it more about something comforting which such vibe would be.

Now surely it may have confronted him with such vibe he doesn’t want to have cause it confronts him with something. But then which one is the more mature one. His shouting was based on fear effectively.

As for their reaction, surely if they’d kept it up he’d call the police and they don’t care bout that. But also how often do people change from their joyful vibe to the lower one finding themselves in an argument why they should have this fun time. Why leave the good vibe but is it really a question of choice or rather perception?

Then others may realize the fear in him and would ridicule him, which also makes them lose that vibe although this is rather typical for low vibe get togethers which you can hear by the way people laugh.

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Realities

It was around 9 pm when he entered the fast food restaurant. He knew it wasn’t healthy but he didn’t feel like cooking. He just put on an old cap. He was dressing down but then it was fine with him.

“Hm maybe 6 cheeseburgers. I’m really hungry. Or maybe 4 and a bigger burger. But which one.” He didn’t really think it, it was more a feeling.

“Well, I’ll see inside.  Havn’t been here in a while.” When he opened the door he felt a sense of pressure. He knew why. And so it would come. But then he didn’t bother. He just didn’t know yet. And a sense of understanding himself cleared the uncomfortable feeling.

So he walked to the counter. The place was empty overall , nobody waiting before him. He could make out a person in the far right corner but since he didn’t know what to eat exactly he intentionally did not make contact.

He looked up to the menues. Couldn’t find what he was looking for. He was about to remember that the prices for the single burgers were written to the side but before he realized it fully the young woman working there asked: “Hello, what would you like to order?”

Her energy was pressuring and distanced. He knew it was coming, that was the feeling when he opened the door. He tought to himself that it’s just a meaningless situation but then the theme involved he realized is not so meaningless.

Surely he could look at her and tell her that he doesn’t know yet. But it felt so absurd. “Isn’t my bodylanguage..didn’t I already tell you I don’t know yet. DO NOT APPROACH ME.” he thought. He felt angry even calmly gestured with his hand to leave him alone,yet she had to act out the waiting annoyed character. Surely he didn’t reply with words. “People are so focussed on words”, he thought, “when you reply with body language they feel offended as if you act a higher status.”

He realized to not be in her movie. What is her movie even? “Am i keeping her waiting?” While he considered it he realized he somewhat lost touch to his reality and he also realized how he acted out her reality. All of a sudden there was a mix of feeling to be handed a villain role.

After all he just ignored her. But then he knew she ignored him first and he knew he didn’t ignore her. She ruined it what could been a decent meaningful human interaction. Yet he understood her. She clearly felt ignored or played the good old got ya game to release and dump stress.

Before he turned to her and smiled, saying: “I don’t know yet.” he felt her eyes on him, pressuring him. This in return made him take longer than he wanted now appearing as if he was holding her up or playing with her.

That’s why he smiled friendly and cleared it up  yet now appearing apologizing. But what for ? Already in her movie. It wasn’t a please like me smile, it wasn’t weak. Understanding is not weak nor is it funny. He stood to his reality.

At the same time he was angry but also amused at the absurd situation.

He asked her: “How much is this burger from this menue by itself?” She hesitated. He knew why and added: “Oh nevermind I see it is written over there.” She replied: “It is written over there.” acting competent and confident while clearly appearing the opposite.

What an absurd thing to say. He hated this low vibe, this, well stupidity. Emotionally stupid, yet he knew it wasn’r right yet real. He understood too well, it can be a problem he thought amused to himself. The reaons why he asked her was because she interrupted him, so he was like: “If you don’t let me look then please go ahead and answer it for me.”

So he again made up for her incompetence by playing it low, realizing it was written over there and the only thing this person could do is to freaking REPEAT what he just said and act as if she said it.

It seemed, to her it was all about avoiding fears, being focussed on her, completely ignoring other people.

He understood her, he remembered the relationship concept from his music therapy apprenticeship. Level 6 and 5, playful interaction, real connection. Level 3 using the therapist for own needs. This must been one of these level 3 situations. Yet this isn’t therapy.

He zoned out. It got too absurd. He knew she would now overly seriously mention the amount of money. She in fact said it twice. Once before she was heading for the serviettes and then again after she returned to hand over everything. He just looked at the number on the screen and tuned her out.

Surely he knew there should be rather a higher vibe interaction leaving the low work vibe behind. Surely he knew even though it is considered standard to mention the amount of money, he knew it is absurd. Something to be done in your sleep, a quick look while relating. She was afraid of relating surely he thought. So she had to make a big deal of the situation. 9 Euro 16 please.

“It was the same vibe when people tell you to enter your pin and verify with the green button” he thought. One time he played dumb. It was fun. “Enter here?” “I’m not sure I get you right, you said green?,this green here? :)” Of course the person took it personal, that’s the problem with playfulness these days and he felt the villain role being suggested to him and a lack of understanding for why he also was a bit angry. It was the situation, the lack of human exchange. To the person it was a lack of respect.

So he then took his food and said bye. He was already above the things. A friendly bye. But he didn’t expect it to be returned or understood. In fact she didn’t reply and seemed to return the ignoring favour from the beginning by not returning the eye contact.

He felt a sense of absurdity reaching its peak, a bit of sadness and a feeling of letting go and being happy to having stayed true to his reality. He also knew to not be bothered again to help out with something that is pointless and only draws him in into somebody else’s movie which isn’t good for both sides.

At the same time it reminded him of football when a player would pass despite his team colleague clearly appearing to never reach it. He should been there. It’s what the situation demands. He broke the flow. No blame but this pass he felt is still important to be played anyway. And you may appear like a fool, but that’s how fools perceive.

 

Song in vain

You said you want

to cross the line

but then you thought

this isn’t right

But now you feel like searching on

it’s just a hint within your gut

This could turn out to be wise

For now it feels more like a lie

 

I know it’s you

But I know you don’t re—alize — it’s me

The truth in disguise of my fake destiny

Words just fall between our song and build

a wall that needs to stay no longer than it takes

it takes for this lesson

 

Can’t you feel my soul

I feel we’re drifting away

Can’t you see it’s pure

behind the blur in the way

The more i try to show

The more our love’s resisting to stay

My hands are tied cause you’re half the world away

my hands are tied cause you’re half the world away

even though this is meant rather figuratively

 

Human Body

We all apparantly get born into something. Then after the world biased us we think we have solutions. Nobody remembers what we would have done if we wouldn’t gotten biased.

Yet it seems we can’t cause we need it to get through the world. It seems like we’re stuck but we don’t know it. Or we do not allow to look at it, bring it to our conscious cause we also depend on it.

Like cancer cells attack the body, these cells need healing, yet it spreads by the damage. Healing though is not perceived to be needed. This theme is in the golden child dynamic. Yet it needs energy to fill the void. It’s like an aritifical kept alive situation but feeling very alive and real at the same time as if nothing was wrong. Kinda the worst situation to be in if help is needed. If no energy is taken, the soul seems to attack the body and the same could be happening on the collective level. At the same time this is rather black and white thinking actually.

Then the energy giver get devalued as weak. But it could just be the human body trying to survive. Surely after you gave energy it affects your health and if you get too much it affects your ego.

Lower consciousness also seems natural for certain roles we take. Surely some of us provide food for example or whatever needs to be done so from this view there is no stupidty. But then it should never be like this. We all have our genius that we rarely get to but that we were meant to get to. Maybe such collective interaction is real and the only hope is to get aware of it to overcome our differences. But it doesn’t change the fact how absurd this world is. As serious as we may act fundamentally it’s really absurd.

Differences that are needed to cope, as if we do our best. Yet those differences also make it worse if such awareness is not there, Otherwise they could heal.

Yet we do think too much on the individual level and we maybe can rarely see what we may actually be doing. Maybe we are more in the same team than we think we are. It’s the perceptions we took that came with our position, a position that had to be taken cause that’s where we left off earlier.

It would be like not realizing we were in the same team is needed to hold everything together as we found it when we came here.

Just a thought.

edit: I think it’s not all like that. It’s not so much a healing thing actually although this theme is also there. One thought I had was that god at least in our sense, not universe wise, is the collective unconscious simply and not like all knowing but atst also all knowing but more like a plant that is growing. I mean it’s part of us and like another dimension simply, somebody says something and it has a deeper meaning and synchronicity things. Maybe something that is really just based upon waking up. Cause once it would be, the other layer wouldn’t be needed but it’s not so easy. So in that sense the world not seem so absurd. There is also a lot of bizarre love you could call it. Another metapher is water flowing around a stone parting as in polarities. But you know I have no idea 🙂 It won’t make you understand anyway I feel. It has something of passive life because we all have our thing to do anyway and unfortunately often can’t give ourselves the appreciation because of the different beliefs that are needed to kinda like a temporary shizophrenia of the collective unconscious cause I feel it simply doesn’t know yet. I mean wouldn’t it be absurd if there was an all knowing god who lets us go through so much struggle if he knew better. So we simply have like splitt parts of the human body and I feel the internet is needed also because of the added synchronicity. I mean there is something sleeping in our souls that’s for sure and it already expresses in so many ways as for example in inventing the internet. Often we also do something for reasons we think we would do but on the other dimension it has a complete different intention but we wouldn’t do it otherwise often. Also the thing with the mind is really a thing. Just because you sit somewhere and look at something, mindwise, you might be miles away from seeing it. And you can’t try cause it’s such a vague thing to do. Like being confident, you might know how to act confident but yeah atst sometimes it’s enough to believe when you dont remember for sure, but actually rather it’s gotto be something you can’t fake, although the faking isn’tnecc. so far away from how it actually is I mean like both, far and close.

3 am

There is hope in 3 am

As if the day could start free again

Lovers and friends helped to stay out of this mess

Now they’re rather pulling you in I guess

But it’s not about youth

Used to think it is all my fault

Only fault is to think it’s my fault

Coping brings up illusion so sweet

Coping again just puts me to sleep

Where I dream it’s my fault

Blames I wonder to where they belong

Nothing to find if zoomed out far enough

Empathy n anger are sharing a room

Blaming or breathing new life

At times I still feel this is all just a joke

I’m feeling alive but as soon as I don’t

The joke turns on me

Opposite reactions

We often go for the opposite when we don’t like something. For example fake friendlyness ..if we can’t stand it we tend to be more direct which is not really a problem. I think the problem is that we tend to overlook to also include the same thing just in real. I just call it a problem but it isn’t really such thing, you know what I mean.