When what you want to say is obvious and you went like.. example: I just imagined I built this in uhm I built this in (Survival) it doesn’t feel like you actually still want to say it but would move on. Besides comfortable “it cud also be” something playful, teasing. It’s based on knowing the other one got it. It’s got something to do with sensing how it feels if you said it.
“Don’t take it personal”….” You wouldn’t say that if you didn’t mean it.” (it actually doesn’t mean, that the person meant it, but somebody who didn’t mean it, wouldn’t say such a thing)
This is btw the original thought behind my blog, 1 liners to express intuition/truth and assert things.
I was watching a Russian movie from the 70ies and somebody said with dignity, feeling slightly offended: “Don’t generalise it. pause Mine is an individual case.”, and they were friends, so he tries to reach him there. And I was imagening the other guy would reply : I didn’t mean to offend you, or don’t take it personal..and it felt really off to say these weird meta things.
I mean, apart from really meaning something like, I didn’t mean to offend you, apart from that, I feel it narrows life, like pushing pause. And then it appeared to me, that somebody who didn’t mean it personal would never say a thing like Don’t take it personal. I’m not saying there is an intention but you know…It’s really strange to say this stuff.
Overall I feel it’s a good idea to know what not to say and how not to say something. There was this other scene in a movie. Somebody was eating and the other person suggested to take some bread with it. He replied: Let me finish what I have first.
Sometimes we are focussed on how to say something which often comes with a ghostwritten thing about it, when it shud be about the expression, meaning no selfconsciousness. For some things we often have intonation habbits that communicate a tone that we might not even mean to communicate. So because of that, it would be good to know how not to say something, and the rest might just go by itself.
As for the above reply, in this specific situation the character says it non-asking, non-threatening, nonaggressive in general, nonpleasing and not trying to be assertive or lets say you could say that. And it was something I could relate to without meaning this in a repressive or definite sense. It simply comes from how you feel or how the the situation and said things are perceived, mostly it’s in the perception but it can be approached reverse by getting in touch with how not to say it.
But instead of that there might be fear of not saying it like that plus fear of saying it another way which causes not saying it the actual way. Very often there is fear underneath, and the question really is what the heck is the fear about and I think it is this.
The antidot for this, apart from meeting somebody who reminds one of who one is, could be something like training in a calm moment or inspiration through life, also experiencing oneself expressing things with a different intonation, through imaginations that just come up, seeing how it feels (or acting, singing, ideally something natural, there isn’t really an intention, it’s something that’s enjoyable to do). But there is no goal to say it a certain way, that is actually just the point I’m trying to make. It’s an inspiration to connect back cause we always are already, everything is always there.
The moment you get in touch with the right intonation you give room for memories to come back to resolve situations from the past but only if there is real energy behind it or it would be impressive. Overall when things work they just work and there is not a lot of thinking. After all there is worlds between being and being self-conscious like a window that a bee tries to get through. It looks real but it feels different and once the bee found the gap, it just flies.
And we only try to say things a certain way because of this fear, or whatever it is , that causes to not say it the right way. It’s like a negative circle, like a layer.
I don’t really get why this has such a negative frame. And maybe it is because of guilt or a defensive behaviour. Or maybe it is the case that the intention isn’t even to justify. Maybe the intention was to put right or to show something in a connecting way. But somehow it got mischanneled, something like a automatic expression.
I remember situations when I felt really good after putting something right, where at first I felt like I better don’t justify but interestingly I didn’t even want to do any of that. So it’s quite funny. It’s like not wanting to do something you didn’t mean to do in the first place but by not doing so you also overgo the actual thing.
It feels really good to express what one meant, it’s got a certain energy and it’s just good 🙂 because otherwise misunderstandings just fucking can take up space and you know. To me the bad image of justifying which probably also has a good meaning, to me it’s got something repressive. You could really express things with good vibe.
Actually I remember a little situation from today. I was printing out some things at a store and I asked how to make multiple copies and the guy (idiot) said I would have to push a button. To which I reacted with Oh really and that already felt off. So he acted like it’s fucking obvious I would have to push a number simply. But it’s not fucking obvious because you could also have to push some menu button first. So he went back to his corner leaving me feeling a little bit stupid so I took a moment to listen inside and then said But it’s not that it was obvious! slightly jokingly and he went like No problem kinda excusingly.
You gotto know, I live in a place where there tons of these fucking doublebinds and I’m so fucking sick of it.
So, sometimes there is surely such a thing as justifying and sometimes something else gets framed the same way I feel.
There seems to be more to it but I can’t put my finger on it.
I rewrite this one, cause it got too much overthought. The idea was simply to realise that when somebody does not return a look, which is natural..to look at somebody you like…then it is good to respect that. Knowing that the person might just have prejudices or whatever is the reason. To not get into any passive aggressive things or playing as if you also were not interested. By respecting it truly and naturally like you would rang a door but nobody answered there is a lack of all the other things that the person might expected from you which is why they might not returned the look in the first place. Something like that. I mean this was the essence of it and I think it is inspiring enough.
I mean this is really also about avoiding roleing and reroleing, to keep the vibe up for yourself where it is possible to connect to someone. It comes very natural to just not question it and respect it. It feels good. When I did this, the other one actually looked then at me and I forgot to look back cause I was still in the other movie. It showed that there was a diiferent expectation and then something like interest why it was different. People tend to underestimate sometimes and who knows why they do and it doesn’t matter. It goes kinda hand in hand with misunderstanding clear up by itself when you stay on your page.
At times I feel a little selfconscious. I was sitting at a busstop that was out of service, to relax. And I got a bit selfconscious about it looking as if I was waiting for the bus. Until I realised that my selfconsciousness already includes knowing that the busstop is out of service. It’s rather a metaphor cause there is nothing to this situation really. Now you might think, ok if I wasn’t selfconscious then it’s not inclusive so you might get s.c. because of that but then you would realise that being s.c. still is absurd for the reason I just mentioned, so it’s kind of a thing of you might aswell not be s.c. or nevermind or such.
In Russian to hate means nenavidit, which means something like “not see”, something you don’t want to see, detest, can’t stand, can’t abide. I also think it relates to not having a connection to oneself, like numbness where there would be anger, or it is because of not having the connection to one’s feelings. So hate can also be good anger or something like an easy feeling of something you just can’t stand but you don’t bother much about it cause you keep it far away anyway. It surely is also connected to what you love. It can be destructive when the connection is not good or the other side takes it too personal maybe, but can be a start to feeling oneself or anger it rather is, I’m not sure. You could literally shout “I hate to not feel myself” or “I’m sick of not feeling myself” maybe with a guitar to give a soundarea to carry it more. Kinda like thunder and lightning. I mean you could start quiet and just let things come up and if you were not feeling yourself, it should get more intense and then there should be relief, like the rain afterwards (crying), when the thunder stops. Kinda just an allowing thing. And there should be more of a sunny day then. I mean this is very basic cause there is many things to feel about but I think it applies a lot and is generally something to feel about.
edit: This particular expression might actually not be good in the sense it could land on oneself but I’m not sure.
edit: I think it is better to be sick of something that you’re just sick of without kinda being the same way about it (editedit: being sick of something also has some biases (frames around it), and in itself it also hinders anger actually I feel but it’s like part of something, I mean it’s nothing to overthink anyway). What I’m trying to get it is this mad feeling that can be attached to hating. Its a bit overserious cause there is always humour also but not about feelings of course. I really think this expression actually might not be so good. Very often we hinder ourselves to just feel how we feel and then it doesn’t have the relieving effect. You might actually have more empathy when you not be like Oh I can’t really feel this cause I can understand it, when you’re just really sick of something and it’s just about feeling it. But it’s nothing to do with not having understanding or opposing this.
Another thought that came to my mind is that anger/hate is connected to hurt also for there to be relief cause it feels bitter otherwise. It actually is a thing of love, I don’t really know how it works and truly, love also heals in itself. Something of love to feel and I did it with singing, shouting cause it’s often not possible to do in relationships without the dynamic bringing something back that would hinder relief. Afterwards I sounded clear again and it was surely also healing through singing then.
So there seems to be two kinds of hate but probably depends on how much it is connected to feelings of hurt and love which gives it a higher vibe. We don’t really feel things when we vibe low.
edit: I get now why I felt the expression would land on oneself. Because by writing about it, it became like a recipe. Therefore the things I wrote about feelings are true and good, but there is plenty of overthinking in it that makes it harder to feel plus the lack of a more human way of writing where you could really relate. Frankly speaking this is something like a personal struggle because I did feel really good after expressing feelings with music and somehow I got a bit into trying to get there again which is pretty bad especially cause it implies not wanting to do any of that cause it wouldn’t “work”. It’s actually a pretty common theme these days, this recipe way of going about things. Lots of true things are said but it doesn’t really reach. I’ll rewrite this one when I find the time.
I have no idea if there is an imagenary thing about the word to rely on, but in German it means “sich verlassen auf”- to rely on sth/sb. Verlassen means to leave and lassen means to let. A synonym of reliant would be trusting. What I am trying to get at is that when you want to trust an intuition you would actually have to leave it, or to leave oneself. It is a certain energy/vibe that just rings good inside. It is very different from trying to not overthink which would be something like misunderstanding oneself, something like a layer.